navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #43 » Another claim
Open Poetry #43
Post A Reply Post New Topic Another claim Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
noorOH
New Member
since 2008-11-09
Posts 4


0 posted 2008-11-09 11:19 AM


Another claim

In a city away, there is this blaze
Where all can maze, and blew their ways
Where no hearts can break, no tears can shade and pain is slaved
Dwelled in what they say. Captured in space
Species of plain diverted to a claim
An assumed claim waddled to a stain.


A simple way
No harm, no effort just a do
Results release you and karma beneath you
You fight your way to the void of fate and clay
Committing to meet the immortal path where you see the world in his eyes, and his eyes everywhere in the world.

An encouragement of an illusion, a distinguished happily ever after
A burden of an avoiding strife, one hammered heart
A Lightning to glimmer to hide a polished smile
I don’t want to stop but the darkness of my solitude is done.

Concealing, obtaining the puddles of creations
A conscious goddess to graze our inner grace
Sweet sights of bounded lies shed down with bubble drops heading to embrace their kinds.
..But
The heart won't beat.
The trees won't bleed.
And the poem will exceed.
And yes, it is a soothing dream


© Copyright 2008 noorOH - All Rights Reserved
Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
1 posted 2008-11-09 01:15 PM


Hello! ~ and welcome to pipTalk!

I enjoyed your debuting poem!

"In a city away, there is this blaze
Where all can maze, and blew their ways
Where no hearts can break, no tears can shade and pain is slaved"

"A conscious goddess to graze our inner grace"

~ "And yes, it is a soothing dream"

Beautiful thoughts and images!

Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug,
Earth Angel




noorOH
New Member
since 2008-11-09
Posts 4

2 posted 2008-11-09 02:28 PM


thank you, im trying to accomplish what i can do best, english is my second language and it means alot to me that u liked it
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
3 posted 2008-11-09 02:47 PM


Welcome to pip!!

     

ARCTIC WIND

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
4 posted 2008-11-09 04:20 PM


noorOH - welcome with your first write. You'll find many great people here...

BC

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2008-11-09 08:11 PM


I keep coming back to this...for this:

"Committing to meet the immortal path where you see the world in his eyes, and his eyes everywhere in the world."

That's a great line, there!

Welcome to Pip.

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
6 posted 2008-11-10 01:18 AM


Noor,

Welcome to PiP.  I enjoyed your poem a lot.  Please, keep sharing.

I thought the ending kind of hammered everything home.

quote:
..But
The heart won't beat.
The trees won't bleed.
And the poem will exceed.
And yes, it is a soothing dream



I like this part lots.

Alison

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #43 » Another claim

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary