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Love Flowers.
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Love Flowers. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. 
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I threw a few stone dishes in our greenhouses and shattered the warmth that flowers need to grow The light filtered down and made the blood and chlorophyl dance and shake the pulse pulse beat of my skin drum heart Your face turned light shades of red more with awkward than embarrassment you then asked if I could us grab a broom and I thought how nice it was That you talk to me at all. __________________ The Sadie Series. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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| © Copyright 2008 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Viking_metal (Paul), You shouldn't have oughta done that. That's all I'll say on the matter. Bobby |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Yeah, but past is past. I'm just putting it down on paper. People do stupid sh*t sometimes, I reckon. Thanks Robbus Maximus, and please, call me Paul. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Hi, Paul.  This first stanza stands all by itself, the pulse of your poem: "I threw a few stone dishes in our greenhouses and shattered the warmth that flowers need to grow" I hate so much when that happens, and I did it m'self, tonight...sigh. But even considering I think that could stand alone and say it all, I don't think the rest superfluous at all--the second stanza worked well as a bridge to the third stanza of tonality of sheepish consignment. (The second? I was so-so about, it could be better, but oy my fights are worse!  )I appreciate your deft potter touch with this, and felt the heat of the greenhouse lamps as I read.  |
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Janette
since 2001-07-20
Posts 2843Chicagoland for now |
I enjoyed this peak at the "past." I am a gardener, too, thus I could relate. Janette always seeking joy, adventure and romance and wishing you find the same |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
I am no gardener, I lack severely in green-thumb-pigments. I made the mistake some time back, of attempting to cultivate a relationship. Thanks so much! I like the first stanza the most as well, what specifically could use improvement in the second two? Thanks again! Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
I love the last line...still smiling |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Glad to hear it. Thanks Steve. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
I am agree with Karen! ARCTIC WIND |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Fanks. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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inkedgoddess Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392Ohio |
its a sweet one says much in few lines but it sticks well to the heart and soul |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thank you very much. Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand. |
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