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Open Poetry #43
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simple stuff (re-titling is open for suggestion)
| Open Poetry #43 |
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simple stuff (re-titling is open for suggestion) |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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"Do no harm." It's simple stuff, until they think they know enough to wear a morals badge. "911! Call the Police!" and so they don "the damned" costume and assume the posturing. "I feel a cold spot, over here" pause for drama "someone's pain" (shudder here, dramatically) "someone's pain is...lingering..." The onlookers all gasp. "How the heck did they know that?" as if pain were some rarity consigned with concerned parity "Quick--fetch me the sage!" (or Holy Water, as you please) Call the corners, pulpitize, take money for creative lies told in Latin, or sanskrit in disregard of Rede, it is sad enough to pray amends when we could be making them. Speak wisdom ambiguously always nodding knowingly as the scepter swings...four ways. I do despise it--all of it-- the pointy hats and petty tithe upon the broomstick (or a cross) for a price--the coin is tossed as it rolls, the truth is lost. The broomstick is a besom it's origin with some pilfering; It is the laws of nature, bent by the owner's twist on it-- intent-intent-intent which is no excuse for meddling just as prayer is apt to do. "Not my will, but thine, oh Lord." It's good advice for those who choose to direct their thoughts toward an outcome of their own accord be they wearing pointy hats or collars, or a gunny sack, standing in the river wept by Deities, misunderstood. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
"sad enough to pray amends when we could be making them" powerful, yet true, line |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Thank you, steve. I may have posted this one hastily, as there's much about it that I don't like. But I'll leave it up here and invite any who reads to make suggestions. The line you chose I already decided should stay, but I think I want to work on the tone. It was meant to be direct--but this comes off mean spirited, and it actually amuses me that I would come off as a Grinch-witch regarding the fun part of Halloween. Thanks for reading.  |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Cleansing the circle, the inner and outer sphere of understanding and believing. To live thy values is the wind that lifts thy beson high and apt! Hugs |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Now see? You have that softer touch on the keys that I need. I think I'm just not up to putting on a show for the neighbors this season. Besides, I actually have my witch boots nailed up on the wall. *chuckle* I'll file this one under "revise". Thanks Kathleen. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Y'know, I meant besom right? *giggle* My broom's in the garage for an overhaul! LOL One should never revise, the perfect eyes that see from the heart of you. You brightened my afternoon. Thanks! |
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Paul Wilson
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711United States |
Karen...Very much enjoyed the first few stanzas it was totally you then got sort of let down by the reference to Hallowween. To commercialized for me. After all what does Halloween represent?...Paul ~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~ |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
You do know how to hit the nail right on the head Karen. See beyond the BS to the core of it all and tell it like it is. Kudos. Ida |
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XOx Uriah xOX Senior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 1403Virginia |
::smiles:: no broom here but don't make me grab my shovel |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Because this one is bugging me so much, I think I'll ask the good folk over in critical analysis for their thoughts. I've got a feeling it is too many poems in one? Thanks for the encouragement, and if I can get this one right you might see it again. Hopefully better. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
yer a funny guy, Uriah. :grins: I think there's enough folks utilizing their shovels these days. (I really need to turn off my tv.) heh.  |
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XOx Uriah xOX Senior Member
since 2006-02-11
Posts 1403Virginia |
funny... haha or funny...peculiar? |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
It has to be funny-ha-ha, because, as it has recently been pointed out to me, I have no standard to judge peculiarity. One of the perks of bein' me, I guess.  *chuckling* I lubs ya. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
I think you've found the key in your own critique... it seems to be multiple poems... in the same file drawer but separate folders. *S* However... it also stands without tweaking. After all, mixed feelings are more normal than having everything perfectly compartmentalized. *S* As for Halloween... lovey, you KNOW it's a grand holiday. *evil grin* After all, it ushers in my birthday. *preening* LOL And yes... I know. All Saints and me equals divine error. LOL Those morals badges are non-denominational. *S* And I've made a long story out of a short response when I could have just said... I like it! *S* |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
Excellent Write Serenity!~ Speaks with Volume and depth! ~ I always enjoy reading your thoughts!~ I am so excited, Halloween is approaching! ARCTIC WIND |
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