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steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

0 posted 2008-10-17 03:45 PM

calmness cries like crimson squalls
on glassy seas of fortitude
waves beckon, misting tears of night's regrets
hurt'ling crashing sounds against pallid piers

as time rushes through the wormwood decaying
of boat launches in the blackened night
time's deceit mounting like waves of discipline
o'er an unbridled lake of epic lappings

lapping like a cur dog on a summer's sigh
drifting, lifting, sifting the sand from the sea

and a lonely shore is awash with perpetuity
awaiting the tenor of repsonsibility,

and the man-child weeps for his own

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

1 posted 2008-10-17 06:16 PM

Emotions with the power of the sea.
Very descript.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2008-10-17 06:24 PM

quote:
o'er an unbridled lake of epic lappings

You use the language with great mastery.

Love it.

Love,
Margherita

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2008-10-18 12:23 PM

Steaven,

I like this one a lot. It's one I'll be reading and enjoying again.

Alison

quote:
time's deceit mounting like waves of discipline

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

4 posted 2008-10-18 05:14 AM

Steaven.. I enjoyed this so much!
love RDB x

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2008-10-18 02:23 PM

There is a saddness in all the stillness, yet the visuals come to life beautifully.

Really nice work, and I like your title too.

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

6 posted 2008-10-18 03:19 PM

TD,
Thank you for all your concerned comments...appreciated greatly

Margherita,
Thank you for your gracious comments...it is high praise indeed

Alison,
Glad you liked that line...it was one of my favorites...thank you for noticing and commenting on it

RDB,
thank you kindly for your comments

Blues,
Thanks for noticing the title...it came about differently (at least for me) than normal. Almost named it something else, but I think this title works well for the whole write

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