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poddarku
Senior Member

since 2008-01-15

Posts 589
india

0 posted 2008-10-14 12:08 PM

Water for her life
================================

Walking with millions
of fragments of sun
under the feet, young and tired
towards a mirage of peace
shimmering over the sand dunes.
She has to walk for water everyday
through the year and years of a life
in a village with a white shrine.
She will be there
in the profound stretch of forlorn afternoon,
offering water to god she trusts.
Please bring his letter!
What it may be like living in a city,
in a slam. (He is coming home
after a sweating day
at the waterfront
tedious labor is still on his dusky limbs,
on his face, eyes, mouths, wet and dirty hair…)
Please take me with you this time.
She begs in her scripts.
She begs before a god
who is looking at
the erosion of sun at the shrine’s yard.
© 2008 - All Rights Reserved Kushal Poddar

clever talks delay friendship!

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

1 posted 2008-10-14 01:06 AM

oh my Ku... this is very powerful! wonderful writing here.. and very much enjoyed ... love RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

2 posted 2008-10-14 09:19 AM

Yo Poddarku,

Water is very important, and bringing it home can be a hard job.

Be careful of your spelling, I think perhaps you mean "slum", and not "slam".

Bobby

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

3 posted 2008-10-14 01:15 PM

An exquisitely painted portrait against a background of delicate beauty, despite the harshness of the environment. Again you display your deep knowledge of the human pscyhe and your compassion for, and understanding of, the individual, and your ability to leave an indelible impression upon the mind of your readers.

And, oh, that line . . .

"profound stretch of a forlorn afternoon"

. . .

Good to see you around again.

- Owl

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

4 posted 2008-10-15 12:30 PM

quote:
Walking with millions
of fragments of sun
under the feet

quote:
Please take me with you this time

Oh, dear Kushal, there is such profound emotion in your words. Beautiful, intense imagery and vibrations!

And it is intriguing too.

Love and hugs, dear Poet.
Margherita

"Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love."
(Rumi)

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

5 posted 2008-10-17 02:46 AM

Fine writing...James

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