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Open Poetry #43
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Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

0 posted 2008-09-28 09:20 PM


I am tired lately.  Feeling quiet and reflective
as I play with pictures, writing pretty words
along pretty images and thinking pretty thoughts.
Sometimes, it feels as if a word is on the tip of my tongue,
on the brink of erupting into something profound,
but then, like that proverbial blink, it’s gone.

Whisked away before I can grasp it
an elusive consonant skipping across my brain waves
and, I am tired, too weary to chase and play tag.

I flip through old poems, thinking that someday
I’ll pull them all out and rewrite them.
I smile at an idea expressed in one, or feel the sadness
that floats among the words of another.  

They are fragments of my life, pieces of me;
Some beautifully stated, some written in rage.
Words on pages that my Mother used to wash my mouth
out with soap for using.  Words I kind of like today.
Each page is part of me, expressing thoughts, dreams
and desires.  But, who wants to hear about my desire?
You say that you do?  Well, maybe another day.

It’s a sleepy Sunday and I am tired.  It snowed last night
and the first snow always makes me want to hibernate.
Or eat ice cream.

-

Alison

© Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved
Midnitesun
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Gaia
1 posted 2008-09-28 09:29 PM


Alison, you made me laugh with that ending.
In daytime, the first snow energizes me.
But if it's still snowing at 3AM, I go quietly.
I'm hoping you'll have a mild pleasant winter, yet one that is still cold and snowy enough to keep the wilderness healthy, feed the rabbits, ptarmigan, moose, caribou, and maintain sufficient habitat for the polar bears.

Oklahoma Rose
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Oklahoma USA
2 posted 2008-09-28 09:37 PM


I sure don'tlook forward to snow. Only because I have to get out in it.
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
3 posted 2008-09-28 09:52 PM


Yep, Kacy - I love the first snow.  I think it is the way that it drifted by my window that made me sleepy.  It's almost hypnotic.  And, I do love ice cream in the winter!

I hope for the same kind of safe winter for the animals.  I love them to have enough snow to keep them warm and safe, and not so much that they can't get around.

Thinking of you,
A

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
4 posted 2008-09-28 09:53 PM


Yep, Oklahoma Rose, I know just what you mean.  I hate to scrape my car windows.  Just hate it.
JamesMichael
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since 1999-11-16
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Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
5 posted 2008-09-28 10:42 PM


Enjoyed...James
steavenr
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6 posted 2008-09-28 11:05 PM


"Somnolence"

I just love that word...my familiarity with it comes by my experience in it...excellent write...playfully fun ...superb ending

LindsayP
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since 2007-07-28
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Australia, Victoria
7 posted 2008-09-29 12:13 PM



They are fragments of my life, pieces of me;
Some beautifully stated, some written in rage.
Words on pages that my Mother used to wash my mouth
out with soap for using.  Words I kind of like today.

Great post Alison but I think the mothers of today will have to work overtime if they

are going to wash out all those mouths with soap for children using foul language.
Sadly I think it's here to say.  Love

Lindsay



Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
8 posted 2008-09-29 01:13 AM


Thank you, James Michael.

Alison

-

steaven,

Thank you.  I love that word too.  See we have something in common?

Alison

-

Lindsay,

My Mom would put her hands on her hips and say - I don't care how unPC it is.  You speak like that and I wash!

I never let on that I have a potty mouth in front of my Mom!!!

Hugs and love,
Alison

Dark Stranger
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West Coast
9 posted 2008-09-29 06:25 AM


ms ali-san...enjoyed your sunday view...I would eat the ice cream and not the yellow jello..or is it snow?
moonbeam
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10 posted 2008-09-29 08:13 AM


Alison

It's going to sound patronising but I'll say it anyway: this the first poem I've read from you where I thought, "this woman is gonna be a poet"!  

This is full of abstraction and frequently used phrases.  It's also overwritten in places and very "loose".  To put it bluntly, it's an early draft.  But it has that certain something that gives it a quality you usually only see in published works by established poets.  I suspect that part of the reason it works is that you relaxed when you wrote it, you were comfortable.  

Much of your stuff on here has been written as part of a learning process, and as a result has been written in various straitjackets (nothing wrong with that).  You also have a leaning towards nature poetry, and while much of it is way better than the usual moon stars beaches roses rubbish that blankets the internet, it is nonetheless fairly unremarkable in its relative unoriginality.  This is very different, you haven't tried to reach for fancy flowery descriptions or paint romantic sunrises, you have simply written your mood.  

The piece is remarkable for its tone and pace - they feel RIGHT.  What really makes me think you might be on your way to finding your own voice however are the closing two strophes.  Unforced, simple, conversational even, yet closing on a really poignant note.  It reminds me altogether of an amalgam of three of my favourite poets, a kind of Dorianne Laux meets Wendy Cope meets Mary Oliver (you should read them all (a lot) I think it would help you).  In fact the final lines of S4 remind me of a passage in Oliver's "Wild Geese": "Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine."

Work on this one Alison, it's worth it.  And change that darned title, it deserves better.

M

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
11 posted 2008-09-29 11:03 AM


DS

Nope, no yellow snow for me.  Thanks for stoppin' in.

A

-

MB,

Okay, I am grinning here.  I don't know that I have ever had such a backward compliment before.  I don't know if I should hurl myself off a cliff (and close my eyes so I don't see a sunrise) or stab myself in the eye with a discarded pen (afterall, who uses pens now anyway?).

I appreciate what you are saying, and - yes - it does sound a tad bit patronizing.  Although, I understand the honesty in your response.

I am love to learn.  That's what I do and some things I like.  I'll try the things that I don't like (and sometimes, find that I like them afterall).  I am glad that you like this piece and I have taken your words to heart in that I will work on this poem.

I also will continue to make the pretty pictures and admire the sunrises and the mist on the river.  What is trite to some is beautiful to others.  And for me?  Well, I enjoy playing with the photographs I take.

Will I ever publish a poem?  Will I ever be a great writer?  Maybe.  But along the way, some will think some stuff I write is trash - and others will like it.  Same as I feel when I pick up a book of Mary Oliver's poems and want to vomit on the pages.

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to respond to this and read my writing.  And, I did (and am) smiling. I like your style.

A

moonbeam
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12 posted 2008-09-29 11:18 AM


Vomit is good Alison.  It's non-reaction that's bad.

Also you say:

"I also will continue to make the pretty pictures and admire the sunrises and the mist on the river.  What is trite to some is beautiful to others."

Nothing wrong with pretty pictures I do them myself all the time.  It's even better though when the pretty pictures actually say something new or thought provoking.  You never tire of a sunset because no sunset is the same - not objectively the same, but more importantly not subjectively the same.


sklagurl17
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since 2008-09-08
Posts 43
nc.
13 posted 2008-09-29 12:02 PM


Well written!
Its amazing.

Robert E. Jordan
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Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
14 posted 2008-09-29 01:18 PM


Yo dear Alison,

Snow time is always a happy time here in the hood.  The neighbors all get together to help clean each others sidewalks of snow.  It’s a party.

Love Bobby

Marchmadness
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So. El Monte, California
15 posted 2008-09-29 04:23 PM


Hmmm,I think poetry, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. What appeals to some may not appeal to others and I have to wonder what qualifies one to judge the poetry of another? Is it that they are able to produce something better, that they consider themselves more educated or talented?
I guess the proof would be in the pudding in that case.
Personally I consider you to be one of the best poets on this site and that is my honest opinion. This is a lovely poem from the heart. Who could ask for more? By the way,
love the title.
                                    Ida

BluesSerenade
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By the Seaside
16 posted 2008-09-29 04:27 PM


Oh Alison, I think your poem is such an emotive and personal, introspective and soulful write.  Your ending was sweet, but I read so much more into it.  Life shapes us all in a variety of ways, and we can't possibly know the different roads a person has been down.  With that said, I truly enjoyed this little piece of your heart.  
Roniece Dawson-Bruce
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Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
17 posted 2008-09-29 10:52 PM


Ali-girl... you have great style!  I love this offering from you... but then again, I admit to being biased 100% of your work :-)  love RDB xx

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

moonbeam
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18 posted 2008-09-30 08:53 AM


Marchmadness, I am quite sure you are totally right - it really is very fortunate that most people think like you.  In fact the more I consider your postulations the more I am quite convinced that it is a waste of time attempting to help people break out of a mediocrity and sameness that they are ignorant they are in principally because they are so happy to be there.  

Why upset happiness?  Why try to show the girl or guy laughing with her/his mates on the production line each day that there is anything more?  She/he is happy and fulfilled.  Why embrace challenge or change?  Why exert the brain?  Silly me.   Welcome to the 21st Century western world.

Sorry to interfere Alison.

Marchmadness
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19 posted 2008-09-30 09:06 PM


The proof is still in the pudding even if I'm happy while I'm eating it.
                              Ida

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
20 posted 2008-09-30 10:30 PM


sklagurl17

Thank you.  That is very nice of you to say.

Alison

-

Yo Bobby,

Snow IS good, but sometimes it is very relaxing.  I love to play in it too.

Love,
Alison

-

Ida,

I think beauty of all things is in the eye of the beholder.  Thank you for your thoughts and opinion of my writing.  A smile is a good way to start my day and you gave that to me yesterday.

Alison

-

BluesSerenade,

I think you are right.  Thank you for reading and thinking about the poem.  Also, thank you for taking the time to remark on it.

Alison

-

RDB,

Yay!  You are back, my sunny friend.  Thank you for stopping by and for the email and for coming back to PiP.  I have missed you.

Love,
Ali-girl

-

Moonbeam,

First, let me say that I don't mind your opinions.  Honestly, I think that you are entitled to them, and I think that you mean well when you express them.  I don't always agree with them, and I think that sometimes people are put off by what you say and how you say it.

That's your style and I appreciate you taking the time to offer your thoughts regarding my writing.  I don't need an apology for your interference because that is not how I understood your posts.  

I am not going to lie and say that some of what you said didn't get my back up.  It did.  Yet, I also understand what you are telling me.

quote:
You also have a leaning towards nature poetry, and while much of it is way better than the usual moon stars beaches roses rubbish that blankets the internet, it is nonetheless fairly unremarkable in its relative unoriginality.  This is very different, you haven't tried to reach for fancy flowery descriptions or paint romantic sunrises, you have simply written your mood.


This was a bit over the top for me.  I don't consider myself much of a 'flowery' writer and found it interesting that you used the description when speaking of my photographs with haiku.  I like to play with words and description.  I like to photograph flowers, bugs, leaves, raindrops, sunrises, sunsets, icefog - and yes, all have to do with nature.  I am a nature person and I like to share what I see.  Am I attempting to create anything remarkable?  Nope.  I like to create.  Am I trying to expand and become a stronger writer? Yes.  Are you a bit over-the-top blunt when you refer to my "relative unoriginality"?  Yes, I would say that was a bit harsh.  Did your comment devastate me?  Nope.  Again, that's your opinion.

Ida also has some good points in her response to you.  We all like different writers.  We all appreciate different writers here in PiP.  How sad it would be if everyone had the same opinion of what is good or worthy or interesting.  It's fine, in my opinion, to state thoughts about what we see in other's works of writing, but it's all simply a matter of opinion.

When I started reading in CA, I looked for your poetry in this site and wasn't able to find any of your writing.  I didn't dismiss your thoughts because of this, but I wanted a greater understanding of you as a writer.  At the same time, I appreciated the time that you put in to some of the responses that you shared.  Recently, I have read the poems that you have posted.  Thank you for posting them.

As far as your response to my vomit comment about Mary Oliver.  The act of vomiting is sometimes more memorable than the reason for vomiting.

Finally -

quote:
I am quite convinced that it is a waste of time attempting to help people break out of a mediocrity and sameness that they are ignorant they are in principally because they are so happy to be there.


Gee, thanks.

As I said, you don't owe me an apology.  I do read your responses, and I do think about what you have to say.  Under that biting honesty, I think you care - and for that, I thank you.

Alison

The Lady
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21 posted 2008-09-30 11:24 PM




no throwing yourself off a cliff for you my girl

that's a great poem and you know it

I love the way you tied up the last two lines
perfect!

write on my friend

moonbeam
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22 posted 2008-10-01 03:23 AM


Ida

"proof in the pudding" is cliche. Heh.  

Alison

Yadda yadda.  You, and I mean YOU (Alison), need to quit taking every phrase I use as "YOU" rather than the generic "you" or we are forever going to have these exchanges.

Look it's simple:  this has the potential to be a poem that could be published in a good quality journal that's all I was saying.  I was contrasting (perhaps unwisely) with most of the stuff posted at PiP which is simply poetry written to please self, friends and family, no aspiration to publication at all.  NOTHING wrong with that at all if that's what you want to do and read.  

Poetry, as Ida says, can be simply a medium to express emotions or communicate views it doesn't have to have aspirations to being an art form as well. Some of what you have written does seem to me to have that potential, but if you are happy with what you do and you are too emotionally involved with your work to bear bad things said about it, then I am quite happy not to comment.  Maybe this is better continued in e-mail if you want.

Take care.

M

Marchmadness
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23 posted 2008-10-01 03:32 AM


Moonbeam, I am sorry if I have offended you. I tried to find one of your poems so that perhaps Alison and I could benefit from your expertise but I couldn't find one.
                                  Ida


moonbeam
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24 posted 2008-10-01 03:43 AM


Ida

You haven't at all      - really you haven't.  I respect your views.  I do actually have a couple of poems fairly recent in Dark, and one older in CA about a year I think.  And another in the September Morning Tanka thread in the Poetry Workshop, oh and also, one in the ABC Thread in the Workshop too.

Cheers

M

Alison, a quick PS.  To be totally clear I think you are progressing absolutely brilliantly with your writing! Far faster than I did when I started out.  I guess that's why I read you.

M

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
25 posted 2008-10-01 10:56 AM


Lady,

Thank you, darlin'.

Ida,

Thank you too.

MB

Yep, we can take it up in email if need be.  Personally, I don't really think it's necessary.  Comment away - I kind of enjoy it.  And, yes, maybe I did take it too personally.  Afterall, it was in regards to my poem.  Next time, I'll look at the global picture.  Personal or not, you make me smile and I think you have a lot of valid points.  And (yep, I am starting every sentence with "And"), I think you care - about poetry and those of us who try to write it.  And, I do care about the quality of my work or I wouldn't bother to post ir or respond.

Thank you, MB and if you did not ever comment again, I'd fling myself off that cliff, discarded pen in hand.

A

moonbeam
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26 posted 2008-10-01 03:22 PM


But you are probably right. But if you don't learn to put some emotional distance between you and your poems you won't ever really be in the frame of mind to listen to objective opinions. But I expect you will.  But I am using a lot of buts.  I guess I like them.  It's been fun.

M

OwlSA
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Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
27 posted 2008-10-02 02:17 PM


Alison, I love the sunlight and shadows of these intimate, unique, mellow pages of your life, offered to us, your friends, with your usual, hospitable warmth, intelligence and artistic brush-strokes - and I commend the person you are - your calm strength, your confident humility, your mature wisdom, your brilliant mastery of the English language, and the goodness that is you, is very inspiring.  I am honoured to be your friend.  

- Owl

K-K
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since 2008-03-13
Posts 153
Indiana
28 posted 2008-10-03 09:26 AM


All I have to say is, I admire you, your work, and most of all your spunk. Always a pleasure!!
Margherita
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Posts 22236
Eternity
29 posted 2008-10-03 10:19 AM


quote:
It snowed last night
and the first snow always makes me want to hibernate.



This floored me, it implies so much ... it's much more than somnolence, it is a quiet, perfect harmony among the heartbeat of nature and yours.

Just wonderful!

Love and hugs, dear Alison.
Margherita

"Love is the One who masters all things;
I am mastered totally by Love."
(Rumi)

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
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Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
30 posted 2008-10-06 03:06 AM


I came back for another read my lovely Ali-girl     

love
RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

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