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Open Poetry #43
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viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

0 posted 2008-09-22 02:44 PM




I clap my hands and grunt with determination
the chalk cloud makes others cough
but not me, no
I'm too strong right now. my lungs are iron.

Greg tightens my belt
tells me to remember to look up,
and not to let my knees cave in.

"Paul Weisbrod, three hundred and forty one kilos! This is his first meet, ladies and gentlemen, Let's show him some support!"

I approach the bar
yell deep underneath my breath
and position myself.

I lift the weight out of the monolifts hooks
they sway out of the way
of my path of power.

I sink down,
slow and steady,
so I can keep this under control.
an eternity later Greg yells:

"UP UP UP UP UP!"

I begin my strain
The blood vessels in my eyes give way
and burst
I've let out the red eyed demon.

I fight for lockout,
slower than the descent
but just as controlled.

My legs contract and groan,
but don't shake.
Every steady,
My quadriceps finish what my hips and hamstrings started.

My knees lock,
My back is straight.
The mono hooks come back in,
and I release the strain I've taken.

I let out a yell that will be remembered forever,
three whites.
Not too many eighteen-year-olds have done that,
I suppose.

Two lifts, and six attempts to go. I'm ready to finish this.


© Copyright 2008 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved
viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
1 posted 2008-09-22 02:47 PM


This is very very very new and tender, and has had very little work done to it thus far. Please, I'd really love some suggestions.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
2 posted 2008-09-23 12:57 PM


I don't have any suggestions for you, I just want to let you know I like it.  I was thinking just this morning of those little ladies at the Olympics lifting over 200 pounds, and remembering how controlled they were.  This is nicely done, it takes me from a spectator to a participant.  (which I could never be) So thank you.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
3 posted 2008-09-23 02:19 PM


Paul,

This is fine work, and I like it.

I had a friend named Paul when I was a kid.  He was a "bad" kid like me.  Unfourtanately, he was killed when he was about twenty in an accident.  He was a good guy.

Anyway, we used to call him Peaty.  Is that a common nickname for Paul.

Bobby


viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
4 posted 2008-09-24 08:34 AM


Thanks to you both.

Pilgrim, glad to see you took on a participants role, that's more than I'd hoped for!

Uncle Bobby B, baby, Uncle Bobby B...

Nobody's ever called me peaty. Thanks though, There will be more similar to it along the way.

Some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.

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