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The Colours
| Open Poetry #43 |
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The Colours |
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TheAnonDavid Member
since 2008-08-28
Posts 237UK 
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*** One hour ago *** The archaeologist bent down And sifted through the grime. As concentration forced a frown; His mind was lost in time. His expert fingers dug in deep, So deep into the ground. The past lay buried, fast asleep, The past lay all around. So many years ago, he knew, How death had stalked this land. But decades passed and decades flew; Now who could understand? So still he dug into the soil And said a silent prayer That time had not conspired to spoil The secrets buried there. *** 94 years earlier *** He was a youth of sixteen years, A brother and a son. He had no worries, had no fears, His life had scarce begun. He dreamed the dreams of all young men Those summers long ago When sunlight bathed the verdant glen And nightly stars would glow. But, soon that time and world would end And innocence would die. Young men were called on to defend And not to question why. And so our youth, a soldier now, Bade farewell to his home. He stood upon the vessel's prow And sped across the foam. *** 30 minutes ago *** The archaeologist bent near And even closer still. What he had found was very clear; He felt a tiny thrill. He cleaned more soil, then in his hand He held a piece of rag. He cleared more clay and cleared more sand - It was a patch of flag. And as he swept the dirt away More colour came to view. He saw the signs of long decay; His heart drummed a tattoo. He tenderly and gently brushed The clinging soil and clay. He knew such things would not be rushed Nor should there be delay. *** 94 years ago *** The soldier boy lived 'mong the shells And slept on beds of mud. He soon forgot the wild bluebells And came to terms with blood. But then at last the orders came And Generals on high, Seeking glory, seeking fame, Made men attack and die. Our golden youth with rifle high Advanced as he was told Straight on towards the enemy - A bonny lad and bold. His friends fell dead to left and right; He saw a comrade drag A swathe of colour shining bright; It was his country's flag. *** 5 minutes ago *** At last the archaeologist Looked on the sight, obscene. It took no criminologist To reconstruct the scene. A tender youth, not yet a man, Had fallen years ago. Clad in a flag he'd ran and ran Toward the unseen foe. *** 94 years ago *** The banner wrapped around his form He charged with eyes wide bright. The bullets gathered like a storm And brought eternal night. His comrades laid him where he fell On battle's field of blood. But none survived his tale to tell, They joined him in the mud. *** now *** The archaeologist weeps tears That mingle with the clay. The youth has slept here many years, And here is where he'll stay. The youth would never understand Although his hurt would cease; And in that far forgotten land At last there now is peace. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Dylan Thomas [This message has been edited by TheAnonDavid (09-16-2008 04:27 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 David M M (UK) - All Rights Reserved | |||
WTBAKELAR
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089Utah, USA |
Let me be the first to congratulate you on an absolutely wonderful poem, history and fairwell to the unknown soldier. What a great story. Well done. |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
awesome poem |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
I loved every bit of this, although I found the part about a soldier swathed in a (presumably brightly-coloured) flag rushing towards the enemy a little difficult to believe, for numerous reasons. I particularly loved your take on this - the connection between the archaeologist and the present - and the real live person and the past - and the humanity of the archaeologist and the soldier - and the connection and limits of their human bond. - Owl |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
I think this is a well told tale, David. Enjoyed it very much. Ida |
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nourzihane Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 254Algeria |
sir...theAnonDavid ... how beautiful the person begins his morning to see the bouquet of sencer Pulses heart which your heart feels it and your wonderful pen translate it to writes to our hearts flowers filles it fragrance in the gardens of magnificence thank you my respect Nourzihane |
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Tim Senior Member
since 1999-06-08
Posts 1794 |
well written, enjoyed the tale and effort. |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo TheAnonDavid, This is a fairly decent take-off of Tennyson's "The Charge of the Light Brigade". Bobby |
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TheAnonDavid Member
since 2008-08-28
Posts 237UK |
'This is a fairly decent take-off of Tennyson's "The Charge of the Light Brigade".' I shall outline a few points; 1. 'Colours' is written in 'ballad stanza' form throughout. ~'Light Brigade' is written in varying stanza form 2. 'Colours' is written in iambic meter. ~'Light Brigade' is written in dactyllic meter - sometimes called 'falling meter'. 3. 'Colours' is written in alternating tetrameter and trimeter (four and three beats to a line.) ~'Light Brigade' is written in dimeter (two beats to the line). 4. 'Colours' uses very little repetition. ~'Light Brigade' makes extensive use of anaphora - in which the same word is repeated at the beginning of several consecutive lines. 5. 'Colours' is fictional but using a historical background. 'Light Brigade' is factual. I could go on, but won't. So how on earth can my poem be 'a fairly decent take-off' of Tennyson when the similarities are virtually non existent?? If people can believe that I will come on a poetry board and do "take-offs" of classics then everything I have written and posted here is a waste of time. Consequently, I have posted my last on Pip; I will not have my integrity demeaned. |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Hell T.A.D., I can’t pay people to compare my work to that of Alfred Lord Tennyson. Bobby |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
My poetry and my opinions have been criticized many times on this site, David but there are others who have praised my work and who I enjoy exchanging ideas with very much. I, for one, enjoy your poetry and would miss your peresence here. I hope you reconsider and stay with us. Ida |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Outstanding!!! Stand up and take a bow, Poet David!  Linda |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
your work is far too good to allow any criticism to demean it...please reconsider and please, please, please continue to write and visit these pages |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
David, rarely have I read a poem that has impressed me the way this one has. It is excptionally well written with great rhyming and rhythm. Take a bow my friend and keep them coming. Lindsay |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
quote: David, You know that I am a huge fan of your poetry. I have enjoyed each one. However, why would one response make you leave the site? You defended your poetry well - I would hate to see you not post any further because of one comment. A |
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