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Open Poetry #43
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A Beautiful Disaster
Member
since 2007-01-13
Posts 409


0 posted 2008-09-14 05:46 AM


Hello,
I'm writing this to you
As all the words are in the air;
There's been no chance to prove them true,
And in the wave of my despair
I've nothing else to do.

The breath of wind will dry my tears,
The wind of change... but love's eternal,
And with those tears it won't fade,
I'll die - the flame of love will burn
And dwell here till the end of days.

And every time I see your eyes
In my own world behind my lashes,
The stars in our evening sky
Seem bleak... and from tomorrow's ashes
My hope revives.

My love, you never broke my heart,
As it was simply never whole.
You've just picked up its every shard;
Without knowing, you have stolen
Them all... It's fate, it's not your fault.

And, as you keep it in your hands,
It's drenched in all of your misfortunes.
To see your pain I just can't stand,
Each of your tears is a torture...
So give it all to me.
We will withstand.

Please, talk to me, please, let me hear
Your voice, and tell me what to do
To let you know I'm always here,
To ease the pain you're going through.

With love,
I won't sign my letter.
I am the one... you know who.
The day... It doesn't even matter -
It's one more day without you.

© Copyright 2008 April A. - All Rights Reserved
TheAnonDavid
Member
since 2008-08-28
Posts 237
UK
1 posted 2008-09-14 07:39 AM


This poem overflows with such earnest tenderness and devotion. The only thing I could say as criticism is that I wish you would decide if you are using rhyme or not. Your use of rhyme is good and as I read I find that I expect the next stanza to rhyme - but it doesn't; then the rhyming returns once more.
Just an observation.

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Dylan Thomas

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