Falling Into Autumn - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

0 posted 2008-09-07 01:23 AM

Orange trees. Crunchy
brown leaves fall into Autumn
in search of a rake.

My first attempt at a haiku.

[This message has been edited by Marchmadness (09-07-2008 06:55 PM).]

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

1 posted 2008-09-07 04:44 AM

Exquisite Ida, so beautiful, I can see the colors of the leaves and I really love you did leaves waiting for something...It's a tremendous beginning with haikus...

regards

yann

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2008-09-07 10:08 AM

Wow, dear Ida, this is very beautiful indeed. I love the imagery. The syllables are correct (17), even though you broke the lines into four, instead of three (5-7-5 pattern). But it is highly enjoyable the way it is.

Love,
Margherita

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

3 posted 2008-09-07 12:09 PM

..."in search of a rake".

Charming!

Happy autumnal hugs,
Linda

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

4 posted 2008-09-07 03:15 PM

Thanks Margharita. I just remembered that it had to have 17 syllables. I changed it. Is that better?
Ida

Ericc
Member Elite

since 2003-01-31

Posts 4178

5 posted 2008-09-07 03:39 PM

Excellent!

Eric

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

6 posted 2008-09-07 03:49 PM

It's perfect now, dear Ida!

Love
Margherita

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis

since 2001-12-29

Posts 7115
South Africa

7 posted 2008-09-10 09:46 AM

Thank goodness my leaves here have found their rake! Enjoyed your words, Ida.

Helen

PrestonThePoet
Member

since 2007-11-07

Posts 87

8 posted 2008-09-11 10:57 PM

hm, im not sure why, but it seemed to flow ever so well.

keep up the good work.

Ill keep looking for your posts.

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

9 posted 2008-09-13 09:20 PM

Aren't you clever!!

This was truly delightful, Ida~

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

10 posted 2008-09-16 03:05 PM

nicely done...clever, charming, and alive...literally speaking to the reader.

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

11 posted 2008-09-16 05:58 PM

good read

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.