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Open Poetry #43
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Jan
| Open Poetry #43 |
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Jan |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa 
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Yann's poem about the favellas reminded me of this poem I wrote about my husband around the time of our divorce in 1974. "Jan" is pronounced "Yun". JAN Le soleil brille, la lune luit, mais toi, tu ne le sais pas. L’argent bruit, l’avenir luit, mais moi, je ne le sais pas. Je sens l’écorce du saule sous les doigts. À quoi sert te l’expliquer? L’épervier excite la compassion du moineau Toi, l’épervier, moi, le moineau. JAN The sun shines, the moon glows, but you, you don’t know that. Money jingles, the future glows, but me, I don’t know that. I feel the bark of the willow under my fingers. What is the use of explaining it to you? The hawk evokes the compassion of the sparrow, You, the hawk, me, the sparrow. - Owl |
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| © Copyright 2008 Diana van den Berg - All Rights Reserved | |||
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Un grand bravo owl, c'est tout simplement splendide et pour une fois le poème en français est beaucoup plus beau que la version anglaise....Je dois avoué que je suis ébloui par ce poème en français...Encore merci yann |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Fine writing Owl. It must have been freeing to write this. Ida |
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poddarku Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589india |
I think this is the best piece of poetry I have read in a while. No before anybody jumps in to say it is friendship speaking, I shall say the poem comprises a strong emotion and a anger within but contains them. this is what I feel wonderful about it. "the bark of the willow under my fingers" what a line! |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Merci beaucoup, Yann. Moi, aussi, j'aime plus la version française que celle-ci en anglais. Tu as évoqué en moi une grande sourire! C'est moi qui te remercie! Thank you Ida. It was a long time ago, but yes it was cathartic, I remember . . . - Owl |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: Je viens d'embrasser un arbre dans le parc et mon mari pensait que c'était bizarre ... Me too I prefer the French version, dear Diana, but your deep message comes through wonderfully. A sparkling little gem! I always enjoy the double versions.  Love, Margherita "Love is the One who masters all things; |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Et maintenant tu peux lui dire que tu n'es pas la seule qui est bizarre, Margherita! Pip is such a great place and the only place where I have ever felt comfortable and not about to be swallowed whole for using another language. I too, love seeing other languages - (and you can tell your husband just how bizzare I am with this next bit!) - especially languages I don't know well, and even more especially languages that I don't know at all! It is fun trying to work out what I can of them. Thanks for making that tree somewhere in Italy happy! Big smiles, my sister-in-"bizarreness" - Owl |
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nourzihane Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 254Algeria |
Dear owlsa thank you for your wonderful words accept my pass love nourzihane |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
If I weren't trying to keep up the online appearance of being a poetic mastermind, I'd tell you that this poem is kick a**. This poem has something that I personally have never been able to master or even come close to getting a handle on- emotion. I am truly awestruck by the degree of emotion that lies underneath the poem, and YOU, mademoiselle, having made it still flow so well. Jealous. -P |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Kushal, you must have posted your response while I was replying and so I missed it! I am so touched by what you said - and all that coming from a poet of your calibre - I feel very honoured indeed. I am also astounded at how you so correctly understood every nuance of my feeling that went into the poem - no, on second thoughts, I am not surprised at all, taking into account your incredible sensitivity and your ability to understand many people of all ages deep inside as displayed in your poetry and your responses, which is amazing in one so young. It shows how sensitive, caring and compassionate you are, and how you make time for lots of other people and their problems - and all of that combined with how creative you are, gives birth to your exquisite poetry. Thank you. Thank you Nourzihane. I am glad you enjoyed it. Giggles, Viking_metal (P). Thank you very much for your wonderfully kind words. You were brave enough to say that you would like to be able to show emotion. That takes more courage than actually showing it. And, after all, if you read what you wrote, it showed a lot of emotion! So, hey presto!  You have done it! Now, all you have to do is put in a tiny bit into one line of a poem, then progressively more in each poem, and you will be showing your emotions in your poetry and you will be able to stick your tongue out at that green-eyed monster! The trick is to keep it genuine - and remember that (usually, but not always) less is more. - Owl |
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