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Open Poetry #43
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Lady Ayla
Member
since 2008-07-19
Posts 84
WV, United States

0 posted 2008-08-21 08:17 PM


You said I would never make it.

I didn't believe you, no matter what you said. One point in time, I cherished your opinion. Now I want to burn everything you have ever told me, to watch them blacken and flake apart like ashes.

Like your soul.

You lied to me, everything you have ever spoken to me, every time you had ever hurt me enough to make me want it, every time you had smiled at me, or confided in me.

I don't want to be your damn shrink.

I don't want to ever hear your name again. I don't ever want to have you sit next to me on the bus again, or be friends with you.

But that's just how I feel, deep down inside.

But right now, my plan is forming, causing a small, evil smile to spread across my face. Much like the smiles you had when causing the trouble that you did.

It's my turn to lie.

I will say that I forgive you, that it's okay if you take back everything you have ever said in the past that was hurtful, with a smile on my face and my fingers lightly touching your hand.

The smile that will make you think that I'm a forgiving person.

I lied.

I will say that you are a good person, a nice person and that you deserve life, even when you want to kill yourself.

Because you pity yourself.

For nothing. Your life could be so much worse, but you are too weak, don't say you are too strong, to think about doing it yourself. Blame it on another, right?

I won't be that other person. I will say that I appreciate you as a friend, that I would miss you and would be hurt, if you attempted anything like that.

I lied.

If I was stronger, if I was riddled with the imperfections and the animal hunger that develops in the mind, if I actually cared about you, then I might just think about helping you.

But I don't really want to help you.

Suffer is a better term.

I will say that you are beautiful, that I have always found you beautiful and you have your whole life ahead of you to find the person who you are suppose to be with, who will love you till the end of time.

I lied.

When I look at you, I find you repulsive and unfit for love. You couldn't understand how nice it feels, how blissful it can be, how complete a person could feel.

You will never be complete, you will always be striving to find a mate that will be satisfied.

I find your touch gut-wrentching and foul.

You say that you have this master plan for the world, that you will either help it, or destroy it.

I opt for destroy. How could a person like you help the world, when you can't even see that the color purple is magnicient, that life sprouts all around you, and your depression spots are fake.

I don't feel sorry for you.

But I will smile that smile that you confide in, and say yes, I would like to hear about your master plan.

That will never happen.

I lied again.

You say you will one day rule the world, with your subjects at your feet. Like you could ever do anything to be worshiped over. I will say that you could make it, that you had potential. That I would support anything that you will ever do.

Can you even graduate high school?

I lied.

I will be the one of manyin the crowd with the hood pulled over my face, glaring. Plotting, waiting to otherthrow you. Waiting for your demise into oblivion.

But I will smile at you until then, and play the role as a loving, devoting friend. I will let you believe that I trust you completly, and make up secrets that are believable. I will believe you when you say that you aren't in love with myfriend, and that you don't care about her, it was just sex.

Scum. To me, you have to love someone to share that experience with, to be on the brink of essenence. To become one, in that one moment. You used her, then?

I lied. I know your true feelings, I can read them on your face, I can tell by your actions.

I will say that the present you gave me is still on my bed.

I want to burn it.

One day, you'll realize that you lost a good person, a person who treated you fairly and thought the world of you at one point in time.

Oh, I'm sorry, I lied again.

You're too vain for that.

I heard you weren't that good anyway.

© Copyright 2008 Heather L. Baker - All Rights Reserved
StaceyBenjilt
Junior Member
since 2008-08-21
Posts 12
WV, USA
1 posted 2008-08-21 08:27 PM


Poems got a lot of emotion, to say the least. Lol, why bother pretending to be Chris's friend? He's not worth it, never was.
My heads starting to hurt from an overdose of poetry.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
2 posted 2008-08-24 02:31 AM


I understand from within everything you said and would probably share the same feelings in the circumstances - except the vengeance.  

It is your prerogative, of course, as to what you do, but may I humbly and sincerely suggest that you don't do anything to take vengeance on him, for your own sake, not his.  The negative emotions that that will evoke in you, will insense you with poison that will harm you from within, even to physical illness and make you very unhappy and scar your soul.

Do what will heal you without harming yourself or him.  The poem was wonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnderful and should have served as an excellent catharsis.  I have written a hate poem or two, so I know.

Forgive him (but don't even bother to tell him).  You can forgive him unlovingly.  Reject him (but with an indifferent attitude) and leave him out of your life.  You don't need him, and he clearly doesn't need you.  Don't let him (or you) convince you otherwise.  He will only use you again.  There are some people for whom you can bend over backwards and fold yourself into 4, like a folding ladder, but they simply don't want to do anything except what they want and when they want.  They require instant gratification of their every desire and they simply don't care about anyone else.  No matter their circumstances they are able to rise above them, but they simply don't want to.  I gather that you have tried to help him previously and that is great.  I am all for helping people, even beyond what is sensible, but there is a limit to how much you can allow people to take advantage of you.  You did your best, but he didn't want your help.  He didn't care about you.  He didn't care about your friend.  He only cares about himself.  Don't intrude on his love affair with himself.  Nobody else will love him as much as he does.  "Two is company, three is a crowd" may be a cliché, but it is true in this case.

When you feel that anger in your building up, read your poem and enjoy its punch, then look out the window and search for something beautiful. I know what you could do!  It has just come to me.  Read Midnitesun's poem, "Puzzle Path".  She posted it recently so it will be on Page 1.

- Owl

Lady Ayla
Member
since 2008-07-19
Posts 84
WV, United States
3 posted 2008-08-25 04:16 PM


Oh, I wouldn't actually do that stuff, just the thought of getting back at him made a good peom. I'd rather forget about him than forgive him. I've forgiven him before and am tired of being let down.
hiddenIntheDark
Junior Member
since 2008-08-27
Posts 20

4 posted 2008-08-27 04:20 PM


Wow, really intense. From the first sentence I was really into the poem and I could feel the emotion in it. good job!
Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
5 posted 2008-08-27 05:12 PM


Lying and pretending is like a cancer that just eats away at you. My advice is, "Say what you mean and mean what you say." You will be amazed at how much better (and lighter) you feel and you will be able to
go on with your life without the baggage
and learn to enjoy it again.
                                     Ida

Bonnie j
Senior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 1588
Ohio
6 posted 2008-08-27 05:14 PM


I think at one time or another we all would love to get even for the hurts that have been poured out on us. I have one called Driver On The Run. I will post. I hope it gives you a smile. I sure did have fun writing it. He was a bus driver who smiled and lied. Now we are just friends and he fixes my poor old car when it falls apart. We are better at being friends then being serious. But it took me a long time to put him the slot of friend.
Time is a healer believe it or not.
Hugs
BonBon

A Tear Of Blood
New Member
since 2008-08-27
Posts 3
USA/Cali/LA
7 posted 2008-08-27 09:29 PM


I really liked this poem
it bring out your personality
an your thoughts
your keep your head up
an don't ever let people bring you down
I hope to see another poem from you
love dearly Johan

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