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Open Poetry #43
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Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

0 posted 2008-08-05 10:47 PM


This is the end product of another of Balladeer's lessons.  

This lesson was as follows: "The assignment is to use the same words as nouns and verbs  in a poem of your making. Do it four times with four different words..."

Here is my attempt --


Raindrops Not Teardrops


Yet, the rain still falls amid fall colors already dim.
And I?  I am the type who types poetry at dusk
wrapping thoughts in decorative words, tied with images.
Solitude, so sweet, silently washes away day noises.

And, yet the rain still drops slowly upon my window pane.
Crystalline drops, mimicking tears, disguising pain unseen;
but no pain resides now in the dreams born of my mind.
A lifetime of healing drifts amid poems written at dusk.

Once, you held me captive, tied by your twisted thoughts.
I was captivated by your desire to mold me.
Your fingers smoothed me like pliable clay statues, formless
while I continued to break the mold of your fantasy.  

Now, I am strong, unbroken, holding you ever captive;
you are woven in a spider web of my poetic words.

---

Alison


© Copyright 2008 Alison - All Rights Reserved
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
1 posted 2008-08-06 06:09 AM


The whole write is stunning but I particularly like -

"And, yet the rain still drops slowly upon my window pane.
Crystalline drops, mimicking tears, disguising pain unseen;
but no pain resides now in the dreams born of my mind.
A lifetime of healing drifts amid poems written at dusk."

I surely do know that there's no pain in the dreams born of a mind - wish that life could be a dream but then again maybe it is and we just don't know how to dream properly.

Enjoyed your words!

Hugs
Helen

cauchy3
Member
since 2008-06-10
Posts 61

2 posted 2008-08-06 08:24 AM


Words to play at tops and bottoms. No middle of roads feelings. Very typical
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
3 posted 2008-08-06 08:29 AM


I can relate to the spider web
a good place to catch and release
from the inside out to the page

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
4 posted 2008-08-06 10:44 AM


Alison, a fine piece of writing! Every line was a gem ~ and a .

Gosh, yer good!

Don't it feel good when you done did good!
~ and you surely must feel it with this one!!!


Linda

amusemi
Senior Member
since 2001-12-08
Posts 1262
A State of Disarray
5 posted 2008-08-06 03:02 PM


Your pieces usually blow me away, but the smooth cadence and wisdom in this one is simply awesome...(I sound like my teenagers!) Beautiful, beautiful work...
Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
6 posted 2008-08-06 04:23 PM


Totally a
    *wink*


ARCTIC WIND

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
7 posted 2008-08-06 04:36 PM


Besides being a beautiful poem (as usual, Alison), I SOOOOOOOOOOOOO need this right this very instant.  It is 6 hours since I got home from work and I am still trying to dissipate my anger with my boss.  I SOOOOOOOOO nearly walked out on my job (for the umpteenth time since I started there on 30 June 2008) today, but I would miss his 4 dogs terribly and I need the salary desperately.  I intend to talk it out (further) tomorrow and wrap him in the web at the end of your poem.  Please may I borrow it?

- Owl

LindsayP
Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria
8 posted 2008-08-06 11:59 PM



Great poem Alison

As usual, I loved it.

Lindsay

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
9 posted 2008-08-08 05:35 AM


Ali-girl.. this is so 'captivating' and very beautiful to read... you are so amazing with your wonderful and descriptive words... love you lots RDB xx

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
10 posted 2008-08-08 06:09 AM


ms ali-san, enjoyed your grip on the images here..
K-K
Member
since 2008-03-13
Posts 153
Indiana
11 posted 2008-08-08 11:34 AM


it is always such a treat to see your talent. As always terrific!!
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
12 posted 2008-08-10 07:09 PM


Helen,Thank you.  Dreams are wonderful, are they not?  xoxoxoAlison

-------------

cauchy3,Thank you.  I am not much of a 'middle of the road' person.Alison

------------

inkedgoddess,You got it and understand.  Thank you for that.Alison

------------

Linda,

Thank you.  I actually think this might be the best poem that I have ever written.  It just kind of spilled out when the time was right.  That's how it is though, isn't it.

Love,Alison

------------------

amusemi,

Thank you.  I really appreciate your comments.  I owe any cadence to my dear teacher, Balladeer.  He has really helped me with the meter, cadence and stress.  It's still hard for me, but I am coming along.

Alison

------------------

Owl,

I am sorry for not getting back to this poem sooner with my responses.  You are always welcome to use my poems.  Thank you for wanting to.

Love,
Alison

---------------------

Thank you, AW.

Alison

-----------------

Lindsay,

Thank you, my dear friend.

Alison

-----------------

RDB,

Thank you.  I have missed you, my friend.

Love,
Ali

-----------------

D,

Thank you for stopping by to read this one for me.  It means a lot that you did.

A

------------------

K-K,

Thank you so much.

Hugs,
A

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149
Bangalore,India
13 posted 2008-08-15 01:48 PM


Hi Alison, congratulations on another assignment well done from the workshop, I am stuck in your poetic web you have woven here. Prasad

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
14 posted 2008-08-16 02:13 PM


Thanks, Alison.  I believed you wouldn't mind and I used thoughts about your poem the next day when I told my boss I was leaving.  I told him I would stay on 3 conditions.  So far he has been honouring (not that that is a word I would use in connection with him - "complying with" would be better) one of them and trying on the odd occasion to comply with the other two.  

- Owl

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
15 posted 2008-08-17 05:10 AM


Dear Alison, I came back to read this fantastic work once again and I am actually perplexed that I did not find my reply to it ... must have been interrupted, while intending to reply!

But you do deserve a reply and here I am.
THIS IS GREAT!!! Extremely well done and with great meaning too, as all of your works.

Love and hugs, Poetess.

Margherita

Rick
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia
16 posted 2008-08-17 03:40 PM


Dear Alison, really enjoyed your poetry, you are indeed a talent my friend, keep it up, dusk has a wonderful mate.

Rick

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
17 posted 2008-08-17 05:25 PM


I thought this an excellent write in many ways

M

Gaelynsgirl
Member
since 2008-07-18
Posts 175
Ont. Canada
18 posted 2008-08-17 07:01 PM


Hi Alison...

Our muses might be companions. Mine loves the ebbing light of dusk too.
May our search for strength continue. Some are diminished when a relationship dissolves and others come out from under. Enjoy the sunlight and your power dear poet.

Lynda

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
19 posted 2008-08-17 07:14 PM


Yo dear Alison,

This is a good poem with a nice ending Spider Lady.

Love Bobby

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
20 posted 2008-08-21 12:31 PM


Prasad,

Thank you so much for reading and supporting me in my poetic efforts.

Hugs,
Alison
-------------------

-Owl,

Thank you for being you and sharing yourself by commenting on poems that I post.

It means a lot to me - you mean a lot to me.

A
-------------------------

Margherita,

Thank you, beautiful friend.  I know what you mean about those replies being eaten.  I know mine must be tasty because they often are not where I thought they should be.

Love,
A
-------------------------

Rick,

My friend, I am learning from the best.  Thank you for being one that I learn from.

Hugs,
Alison
---------------------------

M,

Thank you.  This means a lot to me.

A
---------------------------

Lynda,

Thank you.  I am so enjoying your poetry and comments.  You are such a part of PiP - part of why I love it here.

Alison
----------------------------

Ahhh Bobby,

I thank you, my friend.  

Love,
Alison

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