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Open Poetry #43
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threadbear
Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817
Indy

0 posted 2008-07-14 11:15 PM


Moon Globe Stars

A world of hugs and smiles
kisses and
and
and
he couldn’t hug.
He gifted her
instead
with porcelain ponies
and lace flowers
They stood proud on her dresser
for a day or so
then queued up with all the others
on two shelves of forgotten treasures.
and he knew why
and it saddened him.

He dog paddled when he should have swam
she wanted
for happiness
All he knew was what he has always done
and gave her a moon globe.
The moon floated somehow by itself
suspended within a solution of stars

He told her
the stars are all the kisses he wanted to give her
but hadn’t
he was never trained for this
The moon was a beautiful princess
surrounded by all the love in the universe
Her smile was moon glow
in answer
She shook up the Moon Globe
and showered him
with kisses
instead.



© Copyright 2008 Jeff Feezle - All Rights Reserved
XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435
Antarctica
1 posted 2008-07-14 11:18 PM


Heavy sigh...

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
2 posted 2008-07-16 02:50 AM


There's romantic poetry and good romantic poetry. This is good!
                              Ida

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
3 posted 2008-07-16 10:26 PM


Enjoyed the complexity and simple beauty all wrapped up in one.

I really like the way you write, tb~

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4 posted 2008-07-16 11:01 PM


Yo Threadbear,

The idea is there.  I’d study the punctuation a little bit, to keep it from all running together.

Bobby

Joyce Johnson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912
Washington State
5 posted 2008-07-16 11:19 PM


Very pensive.  Joyce
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
6 posted 2008-07-17 11:33 AM


Very lovely!

Love,
Margherita

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
7 posted 2008-07-17 03:01 PM


Much enjoyed your sadly beautiful poem.

- Owl

threadbear
Senior Member
since 2008-07-10
Posts 817
Indy
8 posted 2008-07-17 07:08 PM


To all:  your most kind and helpful comments are mega-appreciated.

Sad to think there are fathers out there who have never learned the value of a hug.
tb

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
9 posted 2008-07-20 01:04 AM


Such a lovely poem.  I love how he showed her what he was not capable of giving - and then it was like they became true partners.  She showers him with kisses, loving him in spite of his inadequacies in speaking of his love.

Anyway, I am rambling, but I love this.

Alison

Gaelynsgirl
Member
since 2008-07-18
Posts 175
Ont. Canada
10 posted 2008-07-20 12:14 PM


I was touched by this poignant poem and your recognition of that communication that some simply find awkward. I have often felt that our education would be so greatly enriched if a course in relationships was compulsory.
How many lives would be changed. Perhaps someone reading your poem will take a chance and reach out. I hope so. Very thoughtful and insightful!

Lynda

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