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Passions in Poetry

The Danger of the Daisy Game

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serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


0 posted 06-22-2008 10:47 AM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for serenity blaze

Pluck a petal
"He loves me"
I held it up for scrutiny
examining the subtleties
made translucent in the light
as if I could detect a flaw
a shadowed hint's
malevolence
my concentration evident
by my posturing of squint.

I turned it over for survey--
Did he love me in that way?
I watched the colors re-arrange.
The edges yellowed with disdain.
My fingers marred the delicate
properties of velveteen.
Bruises formed upon the sheen
of perfection formerly--
love, that had been meant for me
if only I had let it be...

© Copyright 2008 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
BluesSerenade
Member Rara Avis
since 10-23-2001
Posts 9867
By the Seaside


1 posted 06-22-2008 10:52 AM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

Oh just wow!!  And in the ending....sigh~

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 12-27-2002
Posts 8464
Florida


2 posted 06-22-2008 11:02 AM       View Profile for Susan Caldwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Susan Caldwell

It's better to not pluck at it for proof?

love you and your writing.  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 11-07-2005
Posts 8424
Durban, South Africa


3 posted 06-22-2008 07:01 PM       View Profile for OwlSA   Email OwlSA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for OwlSA

As always, loved your poem, and your unique handling of your interesting thoughts.  

I echo BluesSerenade's sigh at the last line.

- Owl
Joyce Johnson
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Member Patricius
since 03-10-2001
Posts 10059
Washington State


4 posted 06-22-2008 07:35 PM       View Profile for Joyce Johnson   Email Joyce Johnson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Joyce Johnson

I really enjoyed your rendering of this little gem.  Love, joyce
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 11-19-2002
Posts 7522
Ohio


5 posted 06-22-2008 09:58 PM       View Profile for inkedgoddess   Email inkedgoddess   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for inkedgoddess

poor little daisy
all the times
she's been plucked
in the name of love


your a regal flower serene one
hunnie_girl
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since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


6 posted 06-23-2008 05:44 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

WOW!! great poem.. even thow it wasnt funny.. I loved your twist on this... plus it didnt have to be... just what came to your mind first
Krysti
serenity blaze
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since 02-02-2000
Posts 28839


7 posted 06-23-2008 06:13 PM       View Profile for serenity blaze   Email serenity blaze   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for serenity blaze

Thank you hunnie!

I actually hadn't read your entire thread, but just the "falling out of love" thing kept harping at me. So I knew that I wanted to do something very simple, and I knew going in the daisy game thing is a much maligned cliche', too. But I wanted to utilize it because it conveys innocence and simplicity...

I had fun writing this--even though it doesn't sound like I did.

*shrug* It just feels good to write "in my head" again. So I appreciate the inspiration, and the ever generous encouragement from all of you who replied.

and laughing @ mish...sometimes love can be a mean little plucker, eh?

Love, (the kinder variety) to all!
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 02-08-2003
Posts 21103
Eternity


8 posted 06-23-2008 06:29 PM       View Profile for Margherita   Email Margherita   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Margherita

quote:
I watched the colors re-arrange.
The edges yellowed with disdain.



I feel serenity in this one ... the daisy does its part by sacrificing itself to doubting hearts. A pure act of love.

Enjoyed this much.

Love,
Margherita
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


9 posted 06-23-2008 10:32 PM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

quote:
love, that had been meant for me
if only I had let it be...

Sometimes we don't know when to leave well enough alone...
and sometimes, if we're lucky, we put our life to poem...



Edgewise
Junior Member
since 03-23-2008
Posts 15
Chicago


10 posted 06-24-2008 02:29 AM       View Profile for Edgewise   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Edgewise

You definitely touched upon something universal here I think.  A sort of social butterfly effect, where every little action we perform has bearing on the outcome of an aspect of our lives.  Good rhythm and ambiance.  Kudos.  
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


11 posted 06-24-2008 09:26 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

you sure know how to put an ending out!

love this!
Paul Wilson
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since 07-07-2002
Posts 4023
Between Fantasy and Reality


12 posted 06-24-2008 02:34 PM       View Profile for Paul Wilson   Email Paul Wilson   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Paul Wilson

Karen...Love the connection between the Daisy and love. sweetly innocent...Paul

The game of love
filled with flowers
chocolates and cliche's
hopes, plans and dreams
hearts on display

Petals of he loves me
he loves me not's
gentle touch upon the skin
dreams and smiles vanish
upon the gentle wind
of yesterday


~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul
Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


13 posted 07-06-2008 02:56 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Serenity this poem is just what I needed at the moment.. Wonderful write!!

~Zach~

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb....,"he murmured. "What a stupid lamb," I sighed. "What a sick, masochistic lion."

Richy
Member Elite
since 05-03-2003
Posts 2775


14 posted 07-06-2008 03:11 PM       View Profile for Richy   Email Richy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Richy


In a whole meadow of beautiful flowers,
there is always one, that stands out from the rest.

Sometimes it is better to just let it be,
and admire it from afar.

Wonderful ending.

Great job dear poet!

Rich
XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 06-19-2008
Posts 1416
Rekjavik Iceland


15 posted 07-09-2008 10:28 AM       View Profile for XGarapanX   Email XGarapanX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit XGarapanX's Home Page   View IP for XGarapanX

This was beyond intelligent. Perfection?

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·

 
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