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Help Me.
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Help Me. |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Hey, you----- Yeah you, in the window staring through it at me is there anyone there? Are you looking at me? Or through me? Who are you mysterious shadow-like figure that is staring directly at my soul? Stop it, you're hurting me! Stop please! I did nothing wrong! Why are you doing this? What have I done to feel this painful stare? It hurts! It hurts so bad! The pain is like 20 double edged swords stabbing my chest, and tickling my heart. Why do I feel this pressure on my chest? What is it? What's happening?! The room....it's turning dark.... there's...a lot of flashing lights.... the pain...it hurts...so..bad. Don't..let... me... die. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
To be perfectly honest, I do not know how to respond to this plea for help. Perhaps it is your alter ego that is lurking in the shadows and bating you. I don't understand what is going on here, but it certainly appears to be a tortuous experience. You wrote of this pain very convincingly. May tomorrow be a better day, Sending a compassionate, healing hug, EA  |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Thank you...so much :]] |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I do so hope that you are using poetry as your release. Sometimes, I worry that you are harming yourself. Hang in there and know that you have many here who have grown to care for you. Alison |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
The only release I have is poetry, I refuse to take anti-depressants, for it will only make me more depressed. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
I just read in your reply to Alison, that you refuse to take antidepressants. I have seen them work wonders for those who need some help getting through a difficult time or if they have some kind of chemical imbalance in their brain. It's a matter of your doctor finding the one that works best for the individual. ~ Sometimes it's a bit of a trial an error scenario until 'the right shoe fits' ~ so to speak. But when the fit is right , magic happens! It's amazing the transformations in demeanors and thought processes that I have witnessed. EA |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Yes, the last time I took depressents I overdosed :[ I'm scared. |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Maybe you shouldn't control the pills. Maybe give them to someone to dole out your daily amount. It's not being treated like a baby - it's letting the anti depressants help you as they are intended. Darling friend, you need more than your poetry - and more than us here in PiP. You need to continue on a program so you can work towards enjoying your life. It's a beautiful place to be. Alison |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Xtr3, you are not alone, let me share with a poem I wrote a few months ago : She stared at me in my car, then stared at me when I got off my car, I looked hard at her but she didn't understand and stared at me again until i closed the door of my house. Staring like that was a shame. People should care more about what they do, LOve yann |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Dear Friend Linda, Alison and Yann have given you excellent advice. They are all very wise people and know what they are talking about and I know them well enough to know that they really do care about you, as I do. Please take their advice. Also, please tell us your name (mine is Diana). Your nom de plume is fine for a nom de plume, but there is no way that I am going to remember xTr3m3sT without going back to copy it as I did here. If you wish for complete anonymity, make up a Pip name for yourself so that we can say it and relate to you better. Call yourself Mike or Jane or whatever. xTr3m3sT is difficult to pronounce, if not impossible. You have taken the first three steps and that is GREAT. The first step is that you have recognised that you need help. The second one is that you have asked for it. The third is to have understood the dangers of overdosing, but if you, as advised above, let somebody else control your medicine - even somebody who doesn't live with you - give you the dosage as and when you need it, you will have the best of both worlds. You need a break away from the terror - at least for a while, so that you can be helped to look at the situation clearly and fearlessly - and the right medication will do that for you. Even if it is hard to do, please be advised by 4 people who are far enough away from your problem to be able to look at what you need clearly. I understand that what you said in your poem, "Desperation" refers to your overdosing. Pip (Passions in Poetry) is a good place for you to be - but, as said above, it is NOT ENOUGH. You were wise enough to ask for help here. Now, have the courage to take the next step, and listen to the very good and caring advice that you have been given here. God bless you and guide you in the right direction. - Owl |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Thank you very much Diana, my in real life name is Angel. LOL weird name I know. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
My pleasure, Angel - and that isn't a weird name, I think it is lovely. I am sure you are one inside, and with care and learning to love yourself, you will become one outside as well. - Owl (Diana) |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Angel, I was reading a reply you made to an earlier question from Alison and it took me a minute to understand what you were saying. I wanted to check out my understanding with you. Alison suggested you try antidepressant medication and you responded in a very interesting way. You said, "I refuse to take anti-depressants, for it will only make me more depressed." My experience is that in conversations like this people usually say exactly what they mean, so that left me trying to account for what you meant when you used the word "it," when most people would use "they" to match the word "antidepressant." Do you see what I mean? I suspect that you're saying something very sensible and maybe important here and I think you shouldn't let it get away. I got some idea that you really weren't talking about "them," —meaning the anti-depressants— exclusively, as I read on. You definitely did communicate to me that they were your main concern, by the way. But your use of the word "it" seemed to make more sense when I looked at it as well as a reaction to your overdose as well; that is, not only did your experience with the antidepressants make you feel more depressed, but your experience with the overdose did as well. That's the way the grammar of the whole thing makes the most sense to me. Does that actually fit with your experience, or am I misreading what you're saying here, Angel? I'm going to go on with a slight shift in topic. Every antidepressant doesn't work for every body. It depends on where in the brain the elements of the depression tend to come from. Some depressions are more anxious, some depressions are more cyclical, some depressions have more elements of obsessive thought to them, some depressions are simply about sadness, some depressions have mixtures of all these elements. Each type may respond to different sorts of medication and it's not always a simple matter to figure out which sort of depression a person has. Sometimes if a doctor treats a person with one like of depression with a drug that works better for another kind of depression it may be possible to make the depression worse for a time. Your experience with the antidepressant drug is something that does happen sometimes when the exact kind of depression hasn't been pinned down and they're searching for the right drug treatment. It's not your fault and being touchy about going through that experience again makes all the sense in the world to me. It's not like you made yourself feel worse on the drug, honest! It's very easy for a person, especially a person who's depressed in the first place, to blame themselves for this sort of thing. It's not your doctor's fault either; in all likelihood, s/he was doing his best or her best. If you want to put this back on track, there's an interesting book I've just read because I'm interesting in looking into so antidepressants for myself. The guy who wrote it did some lectures on public television and he seemed very smart and articulate and he had some very interesting and empowering things to say and I'm definitely going to use what he says to find my medication guy. He's got some quizzes in the book that even let you see what kind of issue you're dealing with and what kind of medication you might need. As far as I'm concerned, even better, he believes in psychotherapy too, because I know that the research says that particularly cognitive therapy is very helpful for depression. The book's called Change Your Brain Change Your Life and it's a $15.00 paperback from Three Rivers Press by Daniel G. Amen, M.D. So, look at a book; take a few 20 question quizzes, look and see what the guy recommends for for what; become an informed consumer, and if you start to have increased depressed feelings on any medication, call the doctor two seconds before you start to have the feelings and try a medication that's going to work better. They told me that the odds of any particular antidepressant working for any particular person were about two out of three when I was in school, but I think for the kind of targeted response we're talking about here, I'd need more training to say. Keep us filled in. Best wishes, Angel. And all my best, BobK. |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Hi, Angel! Earth 'Angel' just checking back in to see how you are fairing. What warm, caring, and helpful responses you are receiving! BobK, is right on the money (as are the others!). Whenever I have not gotten the results ~ nor the understanding lol ~ of my physician, I have gone and read everything I could on what is ailing me and then when I have returned to my doctor as an "informed consumer" (that's what I call myself, as well  ), things moved more expediently and with more satisfying results. I ultimately put my trust in my doctors professional advice, but by my coming to the 'table' with better understanding and with knowing what questions to ask, it speeds up the whole process!  Giving you a warm, healing hug of love, Linda |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Angel, This works rather well. Your last three strophes are a good description of a heart attack. Bobby |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
BobK, you are absolutely right. I am terrified of anti-depressants, I don't want to put my life in danger :[... Earth Angel, thank you for your kind words <3 Bobby, that's what I was trying to convey, some sort of death, for that's how I feel. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
Dear Angel, Good start, Angel. Now you need to think about how to do the work of feeling better. Feeling better doesn't mean feeling worse than this, like the terror you were talking about. That sounds terrible indeed. Feeling better doesn't mean feeling this jammed up either. This is not feeling wonderful either, Angel. You need to do some reading to get some information, so you can make some good decisions about how you're going to start feeling good about who you are and how you're living your life. That probably sounds impossible right now, but I think most of the people who've been writing to you here know at least a little bit about that. Borrow the book or buy the book and read just a little bit of it, and write back so we can talk about it a little bit, or just write a little bit more about what you were saying about being scared of putting your life in danger so we can all talk to you a little bit about that if you want. None of us are miracle workers or even play them on TV, but we've had a lot of collective experience with being confused and not know what to do, and we've all found ways of dealing with that well enough to be able to talk about it and be poets. That's what you're trying to do too, isn't it? If you find the path a bit grungy and rocky and ugly and muddy, that's because we're still walking the same path in front of you, only we're a little bit more used to it. We are most of us experts in walking into walls. If you don't believe me, go back and read some of Bobby Jordan's poetry. Nobody wants to tell you that our bruises are worse. How the heck would we know? But we can say that they're in some of the same places, and that's for sure. In the meantime, see if you can get that book by Daniel Amen. We're all in the Life thing together Angel. It means more if we can talk a little bit to each other along the way. Talk a little, live a lot. Make friends, especially girlfriends for Angels like you. Be well, Angel. All my best, BobK. |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
thank you so much BobK, I'm afraid that book will be awhile for me to get, my family isn't the richest bunch of apples. |
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