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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

0 posted 2008-05-12 06:50 AM

Ishmael is beckoning

playfully

shape-shiftingly

tap tap tapping

notice me

There he is

where he is not

quickening

my every thought

seeded in the throne

of naught

a rivalry of kings

is tossed

into the desert sands

and lost

to winged winds of now

(It's time)

compliant

to the sacred vow

complicit

in the pain endowed

unto me and mine

and more

other mother's sons

at war...

the promise made

to end my grief--

this - it does not comfort me.

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (05-12-2008 07:35 AM).]

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-05-12 09:00 AM

Serenity blaze,

This is very nice writing. I could never understand the raw deal Hagar and Ishmael got in the good book. It always left me with a deep seated displeasure.

Bobby

Claira
Member

since 2008-05-11

Posts 102
British but living in Thailand

2 posted 2008-05-12 09:14 AM

I really like this poem. The words felt very powerful. Going to read it a 4th time

Claire

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

3 posted 2008-05-12 10:29 AM

"quickening

my every thought

seeded in the throne

of naught"

Had a hard time picking a few lines I favored..

I had so many thoughts provoked by this but I think I will keep them to myself for fear of sounding like a PMS'ing, emo artist..

I love you Karen and I love how you write.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

steavenr
Member Elite

since 2003-11-17

Posts 4058

4 posted 2008-05-12 10:32 AM

you've captured the angst of the Biblical story exceedingly well...loved this

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

5 posted 2008-05-12 11:21 AM

Robert--I'm nodding along with you, so many of the OT stories seem harsh when taken literally. Maybe I'm just being easy on myself to metaphor-ize it all. Thank you.

Claire--It's a pleasure to meet you, and I hope to be reading your work as well soon. Hopefully I'll be around more. Thank you lovie.

Suze....c'mere.

(Just to complete your college education!) *laughing*

steven, you're another one I've been meaning to catch up with--I've read some of your stuff, and I like your style.

Sometimes I just..I dunno. I find it much harder to write these days, and even harder to read others and write. (It's like trying to sing one song over another for me--it just doesn't work.)

But thank you all for reading my thoughts on a subject that is, well, still under argument in some circles. (Inspired by a conversation with a guy who was shown the door...)

*chuckle*

Karen's mooooooooody.

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

6 posted 2008-05-12 11:40 AM

good read

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2008-05-12 11:42 AM

Hey, sis...don't beat yourself up on not being able to write. STUFF happens, and you're back to looking for things to challenge yourself. You'll be back in top form, soon enough.

As for this one?

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

8 posted 2008-05-12 11:57 AM

Well, I'm just torn. Trying to find a middle ground between the multi-layer metaphor, and I've got a sneaking suspicion my reticence didn't carry me to first base on this one.

Ah well.

I'll keep trying to find my pace.

Thank you lovie.

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

9 posted 2008-05-12 12:53 PM

sweeeeeeeeeeeet....

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius

since 2000-10-09

Posts 13989

10 posted 2008-05-22 04:40 PM

I needed my Serene fix...

and I went seeking
and I found.

Darn K, I've missed reading you.

I could hear you speaking this one in m'head and it just rolled so smooth.

You surpass yourself sometimes hon.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

11 posted 2008-05-22 06:06 PM

Enjoyed The Write Serenity!

ARCTIC WIND

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

12 posted 2008-05-22 06:31 PM

This intriguing piece of poetry brings emotions on many levels, dear Karen.

Highly appreciated!

Love,
Margherita

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

13 posted 2008-05-22 07:44 PM

Thank you all most kindly.

I do tend to take a metaphorical view of scripture, and enjoy the layers of the wisdom in various employment.

(oooh, that sounded sooooooo smart! *chuckle*)

I love you all.

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