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Open Poetry #42
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rad802
Member
since 2008-04-19
Posts 279
KY U.S.A.

0 posted 2008-05-03 06:38 AM



It's been so long I don't know what to do
You're so far gone what good is me and you
What good is me and you
Could I be wasting my time are you still cutting on my safety line

Remember to seek the hidden wonders
Embrace all of life though clouds we're under
Remember to laugh that's what we really loved to share

My peace undone I've run from net to noose
None have won few have declared a truce
Few have declared a truce
And though I'm fit to resign
Don't think I'll test the waters of lang syne

It's better to seek the hidden wonders
Embrace all of life though clouds I'm under
And seek to belong to something purer than we shared

Rick Delmonico

© Copyright 2008 RAD802 - All Rights Reserved
shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa
1 posted 2008-05-03 09:10 AM


lot of intense emotion and you made some excellent word choices for sharing how you feel.  I would suggest a little more work with some work on line structure and consistency in flow of thinking--sometimes I couldn't follow you.  It is a great start with real potential Keep working on it.
sharyn

steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

2 posted 2008-05-03 02:23 PM


"And seek to belong to something purer than we shared"

Interesting line in a thought-provoking write...gonna read it again...

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