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Open Poetry #42
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You'd Think
| Open Poetry #42 |
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You'd Think |
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shyvl Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531texas, usa |
You'd think I'd be past all that, used to microwave dinners, prime time television, and reality TV. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson. Don't wear that red dress, or too much rogue, simple comfortable heels. Then, some stranger laughs at me across the street. Suddenly, I'm thinking, How it would be. reveling in a fantasy, of me and him or me and anyone. You think I'd be past all that, past needing 2 arms around me, kisses goodnight, or just a smile that says we're alright. I pay my bills, change a flat tire, file my own taxes. It's just the slightest hint of Romance brings me to the edge. Just when I think I'm past all that. sharyn [This message has been edited by shyvl (05-05-2008 01:54 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 sharyn pierce - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
ms shyvl...we are never past it no matter how fast we ride enjoyed this |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Such a lovely poem Sharyn, I liked it from the beginning to the end with all the important details you mentioned, the red dress, the flat tire and so on, The slightest hint of romance brings me to the edge, I guess i understand what you mean even it's typicaly american have a nice day yann |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Dear Sharyn, This could stand some proof reading. The capitalization is spotty. That rather draws attention away from what the poem is trying to express. Bobby |
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shyvl Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531texas, usa |
Thanks again Bobby you are always so helpful. Could you give me a little more advise on when to use capitals in poetry. I have a grammar text but sometimes I see it being used for emphasis or every beginning of a verse. Do you have a general all purpose rule. By the way I did some editing-probably not enough yet-but would you look at my changes in capital letters. I hope I am not imposing. I understand if you are too busy at this time. Thanks sharyn |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
OH this is so cool, made me smile!! well I don't want to get past all that, so long as I don't lose sight of what's real. There's a fine line there, kind of dangerous to walk....not to mention keepin your balance. Fun poem~ |
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shyvl Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531texas, usa |
Blues Serenade- Thank you for taking the time to read and respond with such enthusiasm. I appreciate your kindness sharyn |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Sharyn, Okay Hon, this is much better. Let me give some suggestions. You'd think I'd be past all that- (I’d use a comma here.) used to microwave dinners, prime time television, and reality TV. You'd think I'd have learned my lesson- (I’d replace this dash with a period.) Don't wear that red dress, or too much rogue, simple comfortable heels. Then, some stranger laughs at me across the street. Suddenly, I'm thinking How it would be? (I’d drop the question mark here, and use a comma instead.) reveling in a fantasy, of me and him or me and anyone. You think I'd be past all that- (I’d drop the dash here, and use a comma instead.) Past needing 2 arms (Don’t capitalize “past”.) around me, kisses goodnight, or just a smile that says we're alright. I pay my bills, change a flat tire, file my own taxes. It's just the slightest hint of Romance brings me to the edge. Just when I think I'm past all that. sharyn sorry so long (Don’t ever apologize for anything Hon.) I'm just too picky Hon, I think everyone else really liked it. Love Bobby |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Sharyn, I am liking this a lot. It has such a wistful quality to it. I think that Bobby has offered some good suggestions to make it even more fine. My number one agree with him on this poem is NEVER apologise for sharing part of yourself. It may take time to get it from the mind to the post here, but hey - we'll wait for you and thank you for sharing. Love, Alison |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
wonderful wonderful thoughts here!!! thanks for sharing with us lovely Sharyn...  love RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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gilead Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067nevada, USA |
Wonderful, indeed, Sharyn! If romance and passion ever becomes a thing of the past, the world would stop spinning "round! Really enjoyed this, Art |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
sharyn, my friend, the only thing I don't like about this piece is ... I didn't write it. Terrific piece...loved it. jimmy [This message has been edited by jwesley (05-05-2008 04:07 PM).] |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Sharyn - Let's hope none of us ever get past all that! Lovely read - thank you. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: That's what keeps us alive and makes us feel ageless! Very beautiful write! Love, Margherita |
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