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Caliban
Member

since 2008-04-23

Posts 57

0 posted 2008-04-25 08:50 PM

Weeping

Weeping I follow whims at lifes behest,
While I pour scarlet tears from the hole in my chest

Weeping I stumble thru this valley dark,
And search for a call which my mind will hark

Weeping while splintered thoughts swirl in my mind,
They draw my limbs closer in a tighter bind

Weeping as I trip and fall,
I drop to the floor to curl in a ball…

Weeping.

Muna seasaimid le ceartas, ní sheasfaidh ceartas linn - Francis Bacon

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2008-04-25 09:22 PM

Caliban,

The repetition in this poem works well.

I like it loads. Keep up the good work.

Bobby

Caliban
Member

since 2008-04-23

Posts 57

2 posted 2008-04-25 09:29 PM

Thanks Bobby,

I thought the repetition reinforced the message. Glad to know it came across well.

Alex

Muna seasaimid le ceartas, ní sheasfaidh ceartas linn - Francis Bacon

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

3 posted 2008-04-25 09:51 PM

Hello Alex... I like your style

love RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Caliban
Member

since 2008-04-23

Posts 57

4 posted 2008-04-25 09:55 PM

Thank you RDB,
Much appreciated. I like yours too

Muna seasaimid le ceartas, ní sheasfaidh ceartas linn - Francis Bacon

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

5 posted 2008-04-25 10:57 PM

I agree with RDB when she says that she likes your style of writing!

ARCTIC WIND

[This message has been edited by Artic Wind (04-27-2008 02:20 PM).]

ILoveTheRain
Member

since 2008-03-02

Posts 157
GA

6 posted 2008-04-25 11:05 PM

This poem is awesome. I love the repitition also.

Jess

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

7 posted 2008-04-27 01:48 AM

I am part of your growing fan club too. I like this one, Caliban.

Alison

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

8 posted 2008-04-27 02:11 AM

Yes, good read. very good.

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

9 posted 2008-04-27 03:52 AM

enjoyed the images of your poem...Nice work.

yann

ctowen
Member Elite

since 2001-10-18

Posts 2286
Green Mountains of VT

10 posted 2008-04-27 01:08 PM

one can feel each drop ...
forming, falling, touch

good poetry

Ct

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

11 posted 2008-04-27 01:27 PM

I agree with Bobby regarding the repetition of "weeping". That was very effective in conveying the depth of sadness.

Well done!

EA

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