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fitz1901
Junior Member

since 2008-04-19

Posts 16
Michigan, USA

0 posted 2008-04-19 08:38 AM

Circus Tent

I have decided and decided I have
That we human beings have become quite daft
Living our whole life in a carnival
Filled with smoke, elephants and giraffes
They say “hey sir we have a gun to your head”
And I say “why don’t you just shoot me then
I’m only living in a circus tent;
I’m only living in a circus tent”

And we have flying trapezes, peanuts, clowns and cotton candy
And games and toys and many more things
And were running around with no one to blame
And were running around, is this a game?
O life, O life, O life I proclaim
That insanity is the new sane
That insanity is the new sane

And they say “hey sir we have a gun to your head”
And I respond “why don’t you just shoot me then,
And give me the joy I’ve never had
And get me out of this circus tent
Get me out of this world in my head
How can I mourn if I’m already dead?
How can I mourn if I’m already dead?”

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

1 posted 2008-04-19 09:04 AM

welcome to our pages blue.. this was an interesting and thought provoking read thank you ... love RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

fitz1901
Junior Member

since 2008-04-19

Posts 16
Michigan, USA

2 posted 2008-04-19 10:08 AM

Thanks

I don't know if I should post my meaning to it or leave it open to interpretation.

Is there anything I can improve?

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

3 posted 2008-04-19 10:28 AM

Hello Fitz. Welcome to Passions!

I note you're asking for feedback or "critique" as it were, and we have two ways for your to go about getting such responses. First, you can alter your profile to open the door to feedback; under the Member/s Area/Help, you can access your profile and mark the window so that people know what you expect in response.

Another way for some good feedback is to post poems in Critical Analysis. There's a good bunch of excellent poets in there who know how to give good, constructive criticism and help you hone your craft.

In the meantime, again, Welcome to Passions.
Please check your email for a Very Special Greeting!

" It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

4 posted 2008-04-19 11:13 AM

very good.

A warm welcome to this wonderful place.

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

5 posted 2008-04-19 11:27 AM

I like that very much, a very strong message...

yann

fitz1901
Junior Member

since 2008-04-19

Posts 16
Michigan, USA

6 posted 2008-04-19 02:15 PM

Thank you everyone

this is actually only the third poem I made so i'm just starting out.

advice, criticism, encouragement, heck maybe even a helpful insult will be very appreciated. as they will help me on my journey.

in case you didn't figure it out, This poem is my criticism on the American society and lifestyle. But I left it very open to interpretation so if you have your own personal view on it, don't insult me by throwing that view away for mine

Thank you once again for the warm welcome.

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