navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #42 » In Time
Open Poetry #42
Post A Reply Post New Topic In Time Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa

0 posted 2008-04-15 03:12 PM


In Time

When he left me
I stopped breathing,
holding everything asleep inside.
Time froze-
stonewalled by grief.

Stopping my thoughts
before I could think of you.
Silencing my pain
before I could remember us.
Stilling my heart's cry
before I could let hope in.

Two years in a living masoleum,
numbed by love's desertion,
still wounded by love's sudden end.
Emotions in ice
burying the bittersweet.

Yet as winter has it's season,
as night defers to dawn,
so a heart in it's own timing
will begin the task of healing
and awaken to breath again.


Sugestions welcomed

[This message has been edited by shyvl (04-15-2008 10:56 PM).]

© Copyright 2008 sharyn pierce - All Rights Reserved
JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
1 posted 2008-04-15 03:32 PM


I think this shows the importance of choosing relationships carefully...as a price is paid when a relationship fails...James
shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa
2 posted 2008-04-15 03:35 PM


Thank you James--you are so right in your statements. I'm trying to remember them well
sharyn

Seoulair
Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea
3 posted 2008-04-15 03:36 PM


sad. and sad.
Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
4 posted 2008-04-15 03:51 PM


I think when you finally heal, you are stronger and more ready for a mature relationship with more realistic expectations.
                            Ida
                                

shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa
5 posted 2008-04-15 03:57 PM


Thank you both for reading and taking the time to respond to my poem It is much appreciated.
sharyn

gilead
Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067
nevada, USA
6 posted 2008-04-15 03:59 PM


A song well played on the lyre of the heart! I especially like the progression of thought in the effort to achieve completion---deeply felt is the poem's sincerity.

Art

shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa
7 posted 2008-04-15 06:06 PM


Art
Thank you for your comments- I especially like the specific way you told me exactly what pleased you.  That helps alot.
sharyn

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
8 posted 2008-04-15 10:04 PM


Especially like the first stanza...the whole thing is 'my kind of writing' - wonderfully written.  I'd make the '2 years - Two years', though.

Really like  this...

j. (texas too)

shyvl
Senior Member
since 2008-04-11
Posts 531
texas, usa
9 posted 2008-04-15 10:57 PM


jwesley- Thanks for taking the time to read and thoughtfully respond.  I appreciate the praise and your helpful suggestion.
sharyn

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
10 posted 2008-04-16 01:25 PM


All which matters is truth...I like the second and fouth stanza more than the two others ...But i'm a french beginner so don't care...

  have a nice day.

    yann

Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #42 » In Time

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary