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Open Poetry #42
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My Son Is Dead
| Open Poetry #42 |
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My Son Is Dead |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
I have had several people tell me that I should not be sad or cry, that I should rejoice. This is my answer: 2/1/08 My Son Is Dead Forever gone away from me is his beautiful face, his smile that is the light in my darkest of days. Forever gone away from me is the music of his gentle voice, the mystery in his mesmerizing peridot eyes. Forever gone away from me are my grandbabies that would have been, that should have been. My son is dead. His body lies in a casket buried under a cold, hard mound. I visit his headstone in a cemetery’s consecrated ground. I speak to the air I breathe and I hope, and oh God how I pray, that somehow, someway his spirit can hear what I have to say. My soul cries out for him every moment of every day. My spirit is defeated, for this anguish will never, not for as long as I breathe, fade away. My son is dead. My heart is broken, shredded and torn, no matter who is left or who may be born. As you look at me, into my eyes, pause for a minute… Before your expression turns to pity and the words flow out of your mouth, stop for just a moment and please ask yourself; Would I be willing to trade my child for hers because he is in a better place? Tammy<333 |
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| © Copyright 2008 Tammy Brown - All Rights Reserved | |||
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Oh WOW Tammy, Extremely powerful piece of art here. I'm speechless, I just hope you feel better soon -Angel. <3 ~!~ EDIT ~!~ The title is really blunt also...makes the poem that much more powerful |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
Powerful piece Tammy... As much as I feel for you & your sad loss, I do not feel sorry for you. It is those you write about in this piece that have my sympathy. Why? Because you were blessed with Larry and obvious love you shared is all too evident in your posts. Had the "well wishers" experienced the true meaning of love, no reasons for your sorrow would need to be justified. There are too many people in this world that think they have been in love or experienced it or know what it even means. I am afraid there are a few words that have no depth of meaning or feeling to these people because they have been overused & misunderstood for too long. It is all too easy for them to say sorry or I love you. Even thank you I believe falls into this category, how often have you been thanked for a gift you got someone that took you hours to find & knew in your heart they were just using that phrase because it was what was expected & not what they really felt/ meant? As I said, I am truly sorry for your loss & pain but I am not sorry for you. If anything I consider you to have been very lucky to have had the time you did with Larry and for all those close to you to know the true meaning of that much overused word LOVE. He loves you, you love him, always have, always will, period. Note I said love & not loved...big difference my friend....You take care now you hear? Much love & heart hugs from your real true new friends at passions.... John |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Wow, John, Deep deep message. Deeper then most people can go. |
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x-tears-x Junior Member
since 2008-04-13
Posts 43England |
wow. im so so sorry. but that was an astonishing peice of poetry hope you ok. Yey.xxx |
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NeonKnight Junior Member
since 2008-04-12
Posts 36New South Wales, Australia |
Thats was very powerful, I could really feel your pain through those words. If I could give you a hug I would, thank you for sharing with us this amazing piece of poetry. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Tammy, again I am deeply touched by the voice of your heart. Truth is, in my opinion, that the death of one's child brings such a tremendous pain that there are no words really adequate to be expressed, but we do want to show that we care, that we understand, that we would want, if we could, lessen the burden of that pain. So each person in his/her own way manifests compassion. It is, essentially, energy of love, even if sometimes it is awkwardly expressed. Love and hugs (((Tammy))), Margherita  |
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hiddensmiles Senior Member
since 2008-02-07
Posts 514at the beach... i wish |
that was a very very very powerful poem hugs>>> JJ>> JJ |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Tammy<333, You ask a good question. My answer to your last strophe would be no. I think only in this world. The whole poem is a good answer that makes sense. Bobby |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Tammy... beautiful writing... I do hope you feel the love and warmth of friendship on these pages blue for you, for your son Larry, for your husband and the rest of your family... I will continue to hold you in my thoughts... love RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Tammy one thing I do know is that no one wants to lose someone they love...its so sad to feel a part of the pain you feel as you share the emotions of Larrys loss...hugs for you...James |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Hi Angel, Thank you very much my friend! You have just made my night and given me a huge smile! I want you to know that I am ok though! Please do not fear that I am not! Like John said, so many people do not truly and deeply know LOVE! I do! Both of my sons love me with all and everything and I love them with all and everything. Same for me and my husband/soul mate (who by the way has been here for me in every way possible throughout our horrendous loss. He is truly an extraordinary man, husband, and especially dad, my Darian). I wrote this because I was told I should not be sad or cry over my son because he is in a better place and I should rejoice. The few people who said these things to me were pitying me and like John said, do not know or understand my love or my loss and they made me mad. So I wrote this to release the anger because when they said it I did not YET know what to say to it. However, now I know what to say when the next person says it to me with pity in their face. I have had some very loving and caring people tell me that Larry is in a better place and it has not affected me like this because I know that they just do not understand the depth of my grief. They do not say it to be mean and they do not pity me, they are just doing the best they can to try to comfort me in some way and for them the belief that my son is in Heaven with God is comforting. So they feel it will be comforting to me as well. There is a huge difference. I will forever miss Larry and I will always grieve for him, but it does not consume me nor am I curled up in a corner stagnating and giving up all hope for life. It is not like that! I am doing exactly what Larry expects from me, I am learning to live a different life so to speak. It will never be the same without Larry, but I will live and I will live for him and his little brother and even some for myself. I will NEVER leave Larry and his memory behind… I do smile and I do laugh and play and work and all the things that life entails I just do them a little differently now that’s all. I write and share these writings so that those who have not lost a child might feel just a tiny bit of what it is to be a bereaved parent. Don’t forget, we are not supposed to bury our children, they are supposed to bury us. It is not the natural order of life. And I just want the rest of the world to stop avoiding us and maybe learn a little about us so that they stop not knowing what to say… Poets are a different breed of people. You guys “get it” and understand it and even feel it. It’s the rest of the world that doesn’t and they treat us with pity and avoidance and it makes me mad when my friends call me crying because some insensitive, non caring person told them to “get over it” and “move on with their life” and “stop crying over their dead child!” No one in these blue pages would ever say such a thing, because you guys feel things differently. And I will NEVER be able to say thank you to each of you enough for that! J I love these pages of blue and the incredible, wonderful, loving and caring FRIENDS I have found here. I have found a true home for my heart here! Wow! I wrote a book… I’m sorry… Tammy<333 |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Very heartfelt words my dear Tammy, I read the whole thing yes, It's such a honor to have someone of your talent call me friend, I'm grateful that you are my friend and I will be looking forward to reading more of your poetry. As you said us poets can feel emotion and can actually visualize it in our minds, it is a rather odd thing yes, but it is a gift, and it is a gift that you grace us within these blue pages. -Angel. |
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WindWalker Senior Member
since 2001-10-12
Posts 1218 |
WOW, this is very powerful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
John, You are such a HUGE softy!!! And I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart… I consider myself one of the luckiest people on Earth as well. Because I do know the TRUE meaning of love. I give it and I receive it… I would so much rather have had Larry and lost him than to never have had him in the first place. I would never give him up to avoid the pain and grief I carry… never. Of course I think you already knew that… And yes, I did notice even before you pointed it out that you said “love” and not “loved”. That is what I mean about poets being a different breed of heart… You “feel” … I know you said I don’t need to thank you… but your wrong, I do. Not for you, but for me… To keep me remembering that not everyone is like you, and I am so very grateful to have found people like you that I would never want to become so “accustomed” to it that I forget what the rest of the world does not feel… I have found some VERY special people here and I want you all to know how very happy and grateful I am for the find… So again my dear friend, thank you from the bottom of my heart… ------------------------------------------ Tears, Thank you so much… that means more than you could know. ---------------------------------- NeonKnight, Thank you so very much my friend…You have put a smile on my face. I will take your hug. I need all of them I can get. ------------------------------------- My dear Marguerite, You are so right my friend and most of the time it is taken with love and understanding… It is just that every once in a while there does come along someone who does not truly know love and expects things that just cannot be given. I have actually had my very own cousin tell me prior to Christmas, “You need to get over it already and move on.” All because she couldn’t understand why I did not want to come to her Christmas party, even though it was to be my first Christmas without my son… Some people are truly selfish and uncaring and they are the ones that this writing was written for… I am so grateful to have found you and the rest of my heart friends here… Thank you so much for caring Marguerite…thank you so much… -------------------------------------- JJ, Thank you so very much… still more smiles I am being given… ----------------------------------------- Bobby, Thank you so very much. I knew you would think in the here and now with it… -------------------------------- RDB, Thank you from the bottom of my heart… I do feel it Roniece, yes I do and it is a WONDERFUL feeling my dear friend… ------------------------------------- James, Big hugs back to you my friend… thank you for your kind and warm words. They mean so very much. Tammy<333 |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Angel, Again I have been blown away… You called my writings poetry. Do not be honored Angel, I am not special. Just being happy to have me as a friend is great enough for me… Thank you… And I swear you people need to stop making me cry!!!! Carpet installers are not supposed to cry so damn much!!!! hahaah -------------------------- WindWalker, Thank you so very much… You have no idea how much… Tammy<333 [This message has been edited by Larrysmom (04-13-2008 11:51 PM).] |
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Honeybunch Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115South Africa |
Tammy - Heartache can sometimes block the flow of words but when it doesn't there is an outreach beyond what would normally be considered possible. We are under most circumstances forced to get on with life but as you rightly say we do it differently. My best to you as you continue to love your son who now cannot be seen in the normal sense but you will feel him sometimes if you think you can. Helen |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Tammy, You have expressed so much of what I have felt, myself. When my beautiful and talented daughter, who was so full of life, suddenly came down with cancer my whole family was shattered. She only lived about a year after her diagnosis. My other daughter and I took care of her and it was, without a doubt, the most difficult year of my life. My husband was also very ill at the time. She died in May of 2000 and he died in 2004. I don't think people understand that for a mother there is no "moving on" We get on with our lives because we have to and for our families but the clock stops for us (in a sense) the moment our child is gone. I "get it" alright. If I had your talent I might have written this. Hugs, Ida [This message has been edited by Marchmadness (04-14-2008 12:45 PM).] |
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Joyce Johnson
since 2001-03-10
Posts 9912Washington State |
Dear Tammy, I hope your words of sorrow are bringing you some comfort. It is my way of not losing him completely, my own beautiful son, by speaking of him often. Now I find myself speaking to friends about his life, more often than his death and it is good. The last time he stopped to see me, he noticed that careless people had been turning around in my yard. He went and rounded up some long pieces of wood to place in the turn around to deter them. After his death, the wooden pieces were still there. I could not remove them, so I decided to make a little garden there in his honor. I dug up a little more space, and used the pieces to edge the spot. Now I have blooming flowers in a spot that would have been ugly, had he not rescued it for me. One year, since it is so close to the road, some of the people who were passing by, picked every one of the bright tulips in the little plot. I did not let it disturb me too much. I knew they would bloom another year and my son was still creating beauty in this less than perfect world. Love, Joyce |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
First, never, ever be sorry for writing a book when explaining yourself. Everyone goes through their losses in their own way. Some hide, some rejoice, some suffer for a while and go on, always remembering...No one has the right answer for anyone else. Your last stanza wrapped up the poem nicely, with strength, some forebearance, very positive in its approach to your love, and the message of the poem overall. Thank you, Tammy. K |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
Helen, Yes, I do think I can… Thank you so much my friend. ------------------------------------- Dear Ida, I can only imagine that year. I am so very sorry… Thank you Ida, for sharing this with me. You are so right, time for us does stop in a sense. We can never be the people we once were, we just learn to live with it. I have written that one as well… Most people do not realize or understand simply because it is unfathomable, it is not the natural order, and it defies all reason… We are however, stronger than most… We have given birth to and buried our very own child and yet we do somehow manage to wake up each morning, don our mask, and move forward with each passing day… Your daughter is watching you Ida, and she is saying, “That’s MY mom and I’m so very proud of her!” Lots of love to you, Tammy<333 ----------------------------------- Dear Ms. Joyce, Thank you so very much my friend. Yes, my writing does help and I too speak of Larry every day to anyone who will listen… The beautiful memories I have of him carry my through and I will be forever grateful for the time I had with him. I would never give up the time I was given with Larry, not ever… I can picture your beautiful garden… How wonderful. I would call your garden a “Bits and Moments” place. It is something that gives you a bit of comfort and a few moments of peace… Absolutely beautiful… Thank you so much for sharing this with me Ms. Joyce. I do believe that through US, our children can and will continue to bring beauty to this less than perfect world, as long as we continue to move forward in our journeys and take them with us… ---------------------------------- Sunshine, Thank you so much for making me feel at ease… I am truly happy you liked it. I was a little nervous about posting it since it is so blunt I guess is the word… Thank you for your words Sunshine. Tammy<333 |
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