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Open Poetry #42
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Extreme Raw Emotion.
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Extreme Raw Emotion. |
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
It's been awhile since I wrote something, So I will tell you what I've been through, I will explain to you what has happened to me in detail, This will be the hardest thing I will do. Once upon a time, there was a kid, Who stayed in his room and sometimes hid, Away from all of the problems he had to face, Scared that people will see him as a disgrace, Tempted to end the misery with a swift slice, Playing the game of life with luck and no planning, like a toss of dice. He had no communication skills, so he was alone, Crying didn't function anymore, he was hard as stone. He went to his carpentry class and stole a knife, Went into the lobby of his school, and was about to ruin his life, He was staring at the floor, then everything started flashing, He was going into a psychotic episode, then he started speeding, Towards a crowd of people knife in his hand, Then he snapped out of it, and he does not understand, What has happened to him and what will happen next, So he takes the knife and cuts an X, On his wrist and he starts bleeding without an end, He does this periodically, it's like a trend, He wants to die, He's alone and scared, He sits in his room and cries, But nobody dared, To ask him what's wrong, Cause' He might snap. People say he is supposed to see things positive. What he doesn't get is how is he supposed to see things positive if he sees things negative? This story of his life ends without a sequel, and this is why he doesn't hang around with people. |
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Ocean Vuong Junior Member
since 2008-03-29
Posts 37NYC |
This reads more like a hip hop song or something? I don't know, perhaps you should try your hand at prose. It is too wordy and blocks the clear imagery. This piece needs to be refined a lot more, but you clearly have something deeply powerful here. Keep at it, this is a solid foundation, a strong emotion eventually leads to a strong poem. good luck, -ocean |
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Larrysmom Senior Member
since 2008-04-03
Posts 533Florida, USA |
This is a powerful piece of writing. It not only makes me want to ask but it makes me want to listen intently as well… Awesome! Tammy<333 |
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