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Open Poetry #42

Atonement

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

0 posted 2008-04-03 10:53 PM

Last night the sky was overcast,
A reminisce of midnights past,
When through fields I'd walk alone,
In search dark paths of my atone,
No moon, no stars, shone overhead,
Night's luminaires to blackness fled,
Where once I was by sorrows bitten,
As I sought out words yet unwritten,
Last night as through dark fields traversed,
I stopped and to the heavens cursed,
As I realized sky's overcast,
Had returned me to my midnights past.

[This message has been edited by Tim (04-04-2008 08:20 AM).]

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

1 posted 2008-04-04 12:12 PM

Funny how that happens, perhaps as a reminder to us. I too have walked those same dark fields more than once. Great one Tim.

Carpe' Diem
~ Make your life worth living ~

Seoulair
Senior Member

since 2008-03-27

Posts 807
Seoul S.Korea

2 posted 2008-04-04 12:17 PM

A calm night.

hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius

since 1999-07-05

Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA

3 posted 2008-04-05 07:07 PM

Beautiful use of meter and rhyme here. Enjoyed as always

Ruth

Ocean Vuong
Junior Member

since 2008-03-29

Posts 37
NYC

4 posted 2008-04-05 08:44 PM

meter is well used here, very nice to see it. Though mixing more schemes and differentiating the rhythm might make a more interesing flow, something to play with.
-ocean

Larrysmom
Senior Member

since 2008-04-03

Posts 533
Florida, USA

5 posted 2008-04-05 08:51 PM

This makes me sad with its beauty… and sometimes we need to be sad.

Tammy<333

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