»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #42
»
the leaf
| Open Poetry #42 |
|
the leaf |
|
|
2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
The leaf was in the tree and was watching the Earth, She could see the men cutting her branches, She could see the women taking their perfumes for a walk, She could see the rain slipping on the tiny hats, She could see shadows singing for the birds, She could see dogs running after the Moon, The leaf was in the tree and was watching the Earth, She could see the children amusing themselves from their fears, She could see smokes raising above the human dreams, She could see firemen extinguishing any kind of passion, She could see the pupils repeating about their courage, She could see convicts escaping from their sorrows, The leaf was in the tree and was watching the Earth, She could see the nurses caring about wounded smiles, She could see the torment inflicted to poets, She could see The foolishness driving tremendous cars, She couyld see the silence behind all the promises, She could see the Wrong, She could see the Right, Everything was alive except the Reason, The leaf was in the tree, Looking at the Earth She was afraid that the men would let her drop on the ground. [This message has been edited by 2islander2 (04-04-2008 10:38 AM).] |
||
| © Copyright 2008 yann rolland - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Yann, this is very touching, as you identify so tenderly with the leaf. I believe the leaf clings to the branch, much in the same way as we cling to life, but the secret is to surrender and to let go ... not easy though! I love this poem very much. Love, Margherita |
||
|
gilead Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067nevada, USA |
This is one of your most ambitious and finest poems, yann. I really like the imagery, and the allegorical treatment of the leaf. Have a great day, Art |
||
|
2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Hello Margherita,very nice comment indeed and very wise advice ... i think i 've not succeed with my poem which was supposed to link the human facts with the future of the trees....somehow it is not understandable...In fact it was one of the first poems i wrote when i wrote back three years ago....I haven't write a single word during 25 years.... Thanks to you.... yann |
||
|
2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Hello art, thanks for your comment and I agree with you, i think this poem was too ambitious but as I explained to Margherita, i was 3 or 4 years younger... have a nice day yann |
||
Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
It's a fine beginning, Yann. There are a few rough spots (grammar issues) but I DID get your point...so in fact, you have succeeded! I enjoyed looking at the world from the perspective of a leaf. The leaves have good reason to be concerned, for humans constantly plunder the natural world. |
||
|
Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
I think I understand what you are saying in spite of a few language issues, yann. You'll soon be writing better in your second language than some of us in our first language, like Magharita. Ida [This message has been edited by Marchmadness (04-04-2008 09:02 AM).] |
||
|
Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
wow!! I love this Yann... I'm saving this to my library... beautiful! If I could offer one change it would be the last line... it would read better in English.. She was afraid that the men would let her drop to the ground. love RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
||
|
Seoulair Senior Member
since 2008-03-27
Posts 807Seoul S.Korea |
very good, indeed. wonderful read. |
||
|
2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Thank you midnitesun for encouraging me, i surely will do mistakes forever but i'm sure you understand what i mean when i write and this is what matters.... Thank you Ida and Roniece for your always nice comments, it's good sharing that.... Thank you Seoulair for your kind comment PS  I'm fond of corean cinema, i don't miss a movie in France) |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
