St. Peter got a memo, capacity was reached,
"PUT A LIMIT ON ALL NEW SOULS OR HEAVEN WILL BE BREACHED"
Thinking, he would ask about the way that each had died,
then let only the worst stories be the ones he let inside.

The first guy stepped up to the front, "My name is Balladeer,
and when I tell my story you will surely shed a tear".
I wed a younger woman, a hottie to be sure.
With a body of a goddess, a trophy..urh..woman to procure!
I suspected she was cheating, up to her old tricks,
with a swarthy kinda fella who lived up on twenty-six.
I arrived home early and much to my chagrin,
he was hanging from the terrace, trying to hide when I came in.
I hammered on his fingers till he finally let go,
fell all that way and landed in some bushes far below.
Amazed, I watched him get up and start to walk away.
I couldn't let this fella steal my wife, he had to pay.
So I grabbed the refridgerator and pushed it off the side.
Had a coronary from the stress and that is how I died!

St. Peter was impressed and so he let him in,
turned to the second fella and asked him to begin.

The man seemed just a little dazed, he said "I'm effjayel"
I'm sure that you will be amazed at the story I will tell.
I was standing on my terrace when I slipped over the side.
But to save myself from certain death, grabbed the rail on 25!
Suddenly this crazed old man started beating on my hand,
I fell down 25 floors, but by some miracle I could stand!
Then suddenly out of nowhere something fell onto my head.
The next thing that I know is that I'm standing here, and dead!

St. Peter stood there speechless, no need to contemplate.
Nodded at the man quite sadly and pushed him through the gate.

The next guy stepped up to the front and said "My names Toerag".
And I know that my story's best, though I don't like to brag.
I met a hottie at Joe’s Bar and we went to her place to be alone…
And just when things are getting fun, her husband calls to say he’s home.

So then picture this, if you can,

I'm hiding in the ‘fridge...