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Open Poetry #42
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kudanesh
Member
since 2007-12-01
Posts 135
Peterborough,England

0 posted 2008-03-17 08:23 AM



Fox on the run

When he hears the hounds cry
he turns round and wonders why
Why the shouting why the vibration
The humans are wanting confrontation
When he sees this terrifying sight
He knows its time for him to take flight
So of he runs panting hard
With the hounds behind him but a few yards
The hedges and over fences and in to long grass
He’s knows has being chased by a large mass
Of hauling hounds that are they’re to kill
They’ll follow him through any field and over any hill
But he runs and fights to stay alive
And be hind the hounds the humans ride
They have come to watch the chase
They try desperately to keep pace
But the fox is fast and he is cunning
Does not matter what he try's he can feel them coming
The rumble under his feet as they close in on him
All he wants is to survive he has committed no sin
But they don't care they have come to play
It doesn't matter what we say they will have their way
So all of this to fill their greed
For the sight of blood is it really a need
But for this fox it was his day
The lucky thing got away
Some of them are not so fast
And after a while they cannot last
So the have to slow
And if they slow sadly they have to go
So is it right for them to have their joy
Another creature slaughtered in a game like a toy

© Copyright 2008 Andrew Hull - All Rights Reserved
effjayel
Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity
1 posted 2008-03-17 12:25 PM


kudanesh, This would benefit from being broken down into stanzas & also being spellchecked. Overall I like the composition & message contained therein but it could be a whole lot better with a little editing..thses remarks are not aimed at you as criticism, but purely an attempt to help you improve. You are heading in the right direction when this is compared to your previous posts & I look forward to seeing some more of your posts on here...

I just noticed before I hit the submit button that you say in your critique box that your splling can be 'iffy' as I have said in your other posts, use the spellchecker! it is in the tools menu at the top of word & will make a big difference to your postings   John

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
2 posted 2008-03-17 03:39 PM


HAPPY ST.PATRICK'S DAY

    
ARCTIC WIND

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