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Open Poetry #42
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who is knocking at my door ?
| Open Poetry #42 |
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who is knocking at my door ? |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Who is knocking at my door ? Is there a thief tapping on his car, is there a star falling down in my familial garden ? Is there a carpenter hammering the props of a dream, is there Babe Ruth breaking a bat or making a home run ? Who is knocking at my door ? Is there a poet rewinding a memory as a clock, None of them, it's simply my heart just ticking along, I'm still alive. [This message has been edited by 2islander2 (03-16-2008 12:38 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 yann rolland - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
2islander2, This is pretty good. I’d make a little change in the line: “or making an home run?” I’d change that “an” to “a”. Bobby |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Very interesting thinking, yann. I enjoyed the ending. Ida |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
thank you bobby,with your help i can improve myself and learn english, it's very nice to correct my mistakes... Thank you Ida as always i appreciate your comments regards yann |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
Yann, I enjoyed this & having read it a couple of times, I changed the last few lines in my head to " It's simply my heart, just ticking along" the reason for this was I was expecting a further reference to the clock of a few lines before. I am not trying to rewrite your work for you, just offering up a different take & hopefully constructive critique. I know you are trying hard with the language and you are doing a good job. The improvement since your first post is very clear to see. Well done John |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
thank you john, i very appreciated your help and as you saw used it... Regards yann |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
No problem Yann, it was only a suggestion, I am happy you liked it & used it... John |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
This is very captivating, dear Yann! Love, Margherita  |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
This is a cool Write 2Islander2-- I like the fallen star part because it is very creative and artistic in a way.. Ya know what I mean lol ARCTIC WIND |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
thank you margherita and artic wind for your nice comments. Yann |
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689Sydney, Australia |
Bonjour Yann... I haven't responded to any of your work to date... but I do like this one very much... Where in France do you live? I love Paris and will be back in September for a month... RDB Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight......... |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
Thank you Roniece for your kind comment...I live in Brittany (extrem west of france) in a town i'm sure you have never heard in Australia (Brest)....I find you very brave to come in France because of the 24 hours of flight, there would not have been these 24 hours i would have surely visit australia since a long time...i hope to go some day... Once again thanks for your kind comments... Best wishes yann |
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