a better way to say i love you

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patience206
New Member

since 2008-03-07

Posts 8

0 posted 2008-03-13 05:18 AM

OH what words are I...love...you?
spoken by so many,
understood by so few,
they cause the loss of dignity,
and the humility of the fool,
they open hearts with ambiguity,
and dreams of no rules,
and close eyes with false assumption
of a solitary truth,
that I...love...you?,
these words have successfully led the blind,
they end conversations,
and begin lies,
they make hearts break and mend at the same time,
Oh! what words are I...love...you,
in any other order would these words be more true?
you see putting I before love
doesn't seem right to this fool,
but if love came before I that would be a question
for you to deside,
if you came before love that's one sided I wont deny,
so there's only one more way to go,
You...I...Love
how fitting that you and I will be together,
waiting on love to follow after,
with you being first and exclamations chasing after,
because you and I waiting on love just seems,
so much better.

patience206
New Member

since 2008-03-07

Posts 8

1 posted 2008-03-13 06:22 AM

hey everyone this is a poem im thinking about doing at a slam let me know what you think

thanks for all your help with thistle

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

2 posted 2008-03-13 07:25 AM

Cameron... I like your thinking here.. but what is a 'slam'? there is nice rhyming to this poem.. decide is with a 'c' not an 's' though...

love RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

effjayel
Senior Member

since 2007-09-30

Posts 1474
At the Crossroads of Infinity

3 posted 2008-03-13 03:05 PM

Cameron welcome to Passions, I would work on this a little before standing up in front of an audience Slams can be quite daunting, I think you need to break it down a little (into seperate verses) to give your self some 'natural' breathing breaks. If you have not performed at a slam before, when you stand up & look at the words on the paper the temptation will be to 'rush' through it to the end. Trust me, been there, done that. If you insert some line breaks, it will force you to slow down & take a breath. Hope this helps, do not worry, just take your time & accept the applause that will surely come. Enjoy the slam John

RDB, a slam is when you stand up in front of a room full of like minded people & recite one of your own poems. It is then 'rated' by the listeners via their applause.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

4 posted 2008-03-13 05:53 PM

Wonderful...given slowly this should have a wonderful impact at a slam, so to speak...James

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

5 posted 2008-03-13 07:10 PM

WELCOME TO PIP!

ARCTIC WIND

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