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Open Poetry #42
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Taking advantage (edited)
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Taking advantage (edited) |
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ILoveTheRain Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 157GA 
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I was walking through the woods Trying to find my way The wind was blowing softly Making the trees and flowers sway In the distance of darkness I spotted a shadowy figure I crept closer and closer Seeing his finger upon a trigger Trying to escape his sight It was already too late He identified me I hope this isn’t fate He called out for me Anger in his voice was the sound In attempt to get away I hid, nowhere to be found Hours upon hours later Still in the same place In what seemed like a cave Lying there, trying to forget his face I heard a slight footstep My body became stiff Maybe I can run To that cabin near the cliff Running fast as my body allowed I tripped along the way Trying to get back up I felt a hit, and there I lay Awaking, my sight was hazy I saw the figure before me Wondering if I can find a way out Some way for me to leave He was just sitting there staring With those dark, creepy eyes I was trying to look away For what I was seeing, I despise I know that look all too well For I have seen it before After realizing what from I fell down to the floor The tears welling in my eyes Him sitting there with that smile Knowing what he did in the past Knowing there’s no one around for miles Praying he will not do it again Taking me away when I was small I was with my mother shopping At the shoe store in the mall I sit there in the corner Hoping it is just a dream He approaches me slowly Telling me not to scream He says it will be okay That it will only hurt for a minute He points to his gun on the table Telling me not to go over my limit He starts to take advantage of me I just lay there feeling numb Why did I come here? I feel extremely dumb After he is finished He again, sits there and smiles Content about the fact once more That there is no one around for miles After he falls asleep I go to the table for the gun I point it at his head Thinking this won’t be fun After he is dead Tears well in my eyes Wondering how I could kill someone Trying to suppress my cries I'm still lost in these woods I don't know where to go So I just start walking In one direction with hope I start to hear cars Out in the distance I run like crazy Trying to get there in an instance I finally get there And I throw up my thumb Hoping someone will pick me up My body feels so numb A car finally stops He tells me to get in He asks what happened to me And asks where I've been He takes me to the hospital They fix me up Tell me to stay overnight And wish me good luck I watch as the nurses Wrap up my arm Well, atleast now I am safe Away from harm (Is this any better?) (This isn't about me, I was just in the mood to write something like this.) [This message has been edited by ILoveTheRain (03-08-2008 09:37 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2008 Jessica - All Rights Reserved | |||
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xTr3m3sT Member
since 2008-03-03
Posts 415 |
Excellent poem. Pretty sad poem that I enjoyed =D |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
friend rain...I enjoyed this journey |
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effjayel Senior Member
since 2007-09-30
Posts 1474At the Crossroads of Infinity |
Jess, This is pretty amazing... and you’ve been telling me you can’t write? Shame on you ! I got very engrossed in it & read it a few times, I would have liked a different ending, it just doesn’t “gel” for me right at the crucial point....this is going to sound awful but is not meant to, but for me it was like sitting through a movie which had a bad ending, kind of an anti climax, if that makes sense? Now you are heading in the right direction, keep going ! |
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simon Member
since 2008-01-14
Posts 440London, England |
I totally agree with John, loved the rhymes and structure but thought the ending was a bit predictable and depressing. I think this would have really benefitted from an unpredictable ending, but what do I know? |
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ILoveTheRain Member
since 2008-03-02
Posts 157GA |
I know I can't think of a different ending!! I'll sit back and think about it tonight and see what happens. |
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