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Open Poetry #42
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Forgiveness
| Open Poetry #42 |
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Forgiveness |
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A Beautiful Disaster Member
since 2007-01-13
Posts 409 |
Shards of glass in a fatal wound, No more worries - I'm leaving soon. You're the poison, and you're the knife, You're the demon that saved my life, Angel-devil, and not the less, A heartbreaker, but still the best. A denial, a myth, a wraith, Well-known stranger who stole my faith. I know you're afraid that all alone You'll make your way through lands of endless rains. In front of you is only the unknown Behind your back is just this hollow pain... Sleeping pills, bittersweet champagne - I am watching my empty brain Drowning quickly in alcohol... But won't drown my longing soul. In this strife I'm a knight, but scared, And I'm feeling... oh well, enough! Now I'll stop... no one f---ing cares. You have never believed in... In my devotion. But I'm not afraid that all alone I'll make my way through lands of endless rains. In front of me is only the unknown Behind my back is just this hollow pain... But with arms broken I'll fight, By my forgiveness My broken heart is revived - I'm alive! And I'm not afraid that all alone I'll make my way through lands of endless rains. In front of me is only the unknown Behind my back is just this hollow pain... |
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| © Copyright 2008 April A. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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LynnFromCT Member
since 2008-02-18
Posts 53CT, USA |
You were all over the place with this poem... but I truly enjoyed the 1st & 3rd stanzas. I believe they are very good. You should take those 2 stanzas and begin again. Write a new poem with these 2 stanzas, changing the rest of the poem to fit them. (great) Shards of glass in a fatal wound, No more worries - I'm leaving soon. You're the poison, and you're the knife, You're the demon that saved my life, Angel-devil, and not the less, A heartbreaker, but still the best. A denial, a myth, a wraith, Well-known stranger who stole my faith. (this part is not really good - the rhyme is forced, and the meter is off) I know you're afraid that all alone You'll make your way through lands of endless rains. In front of you is only the unknown Behind your back is just this hollow pain... (REALLY GOOD) Sleeping pills, bittersweet champagne - I am watching my empty brain Drowning quickly in alcohol... But won't drown my longing soul. In this strife I'm a knight, but scared, And I'm feeling... oh well, enough! Now I'll stop... no one f---ing cares. You have never believed in... |
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