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| Open Poetry #42 |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
When you walked by me, Did you not see me? I was there huddled in the corner Staying out of sight In a bit of night, Where the windless is warmer. I see you mornings Constantly going, Not pausing to look around. Have you stopped looking? Have you stopped caring? I’m not so much anymore, Not worth a small crumb, Just a hopeless bum, A shadow of my before, This is my after Without the laughter, Dirty, worn, and very sore. So just walk by me, You don’t need to see This broken humanity. It won’t be too long And I will be gone, Back to dirt where I belong. And what might you know I’ll make something grow A pretty flower to show. Gloom |
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| © Copyright 2008 Aszard Drazlom - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Ohh no, this hurts, Professor Gloom, you truly live up to your reputation ... But I can relate, I know of temporaneous dark corners ... And the flower will be a beautiful outcome! love and hugs Margherita  |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Professor, this is indeed a gloomy poem ~ but a very well-written one. To feel ignored and invisible, would undoubtedly have a way of breaking one's belief in their own humanity. ~ A very sad state of affairs. A very poignant closing to your poem where you (or whomever) would grow a "pretty flower" to show that you (they) were once here. Warm, welcome-back hug, EA |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
A wonderful piece, Prof. Did you know it would make me smile? The thought of you becoming a flower someday somehow lightens the 'gloom' of this poem. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
A shadow of my before, This is my after an interesting write M |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
Even when you write gloom, you write it so well and I loved the light at the end of this. Well done, Proff. |
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LynnFromCT Member
since 2008-02-18
Posts 53CT, USA |
I found this very good... I liked the first 2 stanzas, and the 3rd - but didn't like the last 3 lines... It changed from being over the top, to very simplistic - almost 2 child-like. |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, LynnFromCT, Since you mention it, I’ll answer your response first, The original last three lines were; Decomposed from pain, Awaiting the rain To wash me down the storm drain. Which I softened. I have found that I oft time get few if any responses. So I softened it to give it less harshness, Which I have been told makes my poetry difficult To respond to or completely understand. Thank you, Margherita, Pleased you enjoyed the ending. Thank you, Earth Angel, There are far too many ignored / invisible people In too plain of sight in our cities. I live in a major city and I look, so I see. Most would flower given the chance. Thank you, Midnitesun, Pleased you enjoyed it enough to smile, It’s seldom the result I receive from my poetry. Thank you, Nakdthoughts, Always a delight to catch an interest. Thank you, Gentle Spirit, Pleased to please such a writer as yourself. Gloom |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
I like your particular brand of "gloom" We need to see all sides if life. Ida |
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Artic Wind Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080Realm of Supernatural |
It's Sad to feel, But its all good when you let it out! ARCTIC WIND |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I remember when I first started reading you... nervous, I was, that someone could have such an outlook... but you've taught me much... so much so that I can see sunlight between the slivers of shadow.  It's good to read you again. |
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Falling rain
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178Small town, Illinois |
Your name is like this poem.... very gloomy but left me with a new perspective on life. This is like the first time i ever read any of your stuff. great work! but this poem sadden's me a bit. but great work anyway! ~Zach~ |
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Professor Gloom Member Elite
since 2000-07-23
Posts 3082of Depression |
Thank you, Marchmadness, My sides are many, formats aplenty, Viewpoints oft looking down, Pleased you like what you found. Thank you, Artic Wind, Actually I do have to be somewhat restrain here, Several of my poems have been banned For going too darkly. Thank you, Sunshine, You don’t still cringe when clicking my poems? Hmmm, we’ll see Always an honor to have you respond. Thank you, Falling Rain, You’ll find my poetry will sadden Like A walk down a city back alley. Gloom |
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