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Open Poetry #42
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poddarku
Senior Member
since 2008-01-15
Posts 589
india

0 posted 2008-01-26 11:26 AM



empty

A gust of wind
Carried the empty plastic
Down the alley of mind,
An alley as dusty as the plastic.
The rustic light upon the ground,
The emptiness rolled and rolled
To the 3rd lamppost to the left,
Where it found
A stud of gum to stick.
An empty plastic
A dusty passage
Out of focus eyes, lights flickers.
How far had you come civilization?
No one was there on the porch.
A dog barked
No body had fed it.
An empty plastic
Is all, which is alive?
Mind tried to find a body
To reside.
Years and years had passed to gather
More years to differ and sever
An empty plastic
A dusty passage

How far had you come civilization?


© Copyright 2008 poddar kushal - All Rights Reserved
Bobby Jordan
Member
since 2007-08-13
Posts 491
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
1 posted 2008-01-26 12:56 PM


Poddarku,

This is fairly good work.  in the lines:

"How far had you come civilization?"

The "had" would sound better to my Yankee ear as "have"

Bobby

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
2 posted 2008-01-26 03:30 PM


A thoughtful write, with multiple answers.
Welcome to these blue pages.

TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
3 posted 2008-01-26 09:11 PM


true. love the read.
Tom

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