»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #41
»
kudanesh
| Open Poetry #41 |
|
kudanesh |
|
|
kudanesh Member
since 2007-12-01
Posts 135Peterborough,England |
I would like some feed back on this if you could help me my punctuation isnt very good and my spelling can be quite bad. thanks for reading IN THE SCOTTISH HIGHLANDS In the morning you can hear every sound From the birds in the trees to the deer on the ground As I am sitting out in the cold The mountains are standing there proud and bold They stand shoulder to shoulder lined with trees That are battered and broken from the highland breeze The mountains stand up into the sky And the surviving trees stand so high The mountains have always been in this place But they still retain their founding grace Because of their age they'er battered a bit But you can still touch the sky from the highest tips When the clouds are gone the stars are bright You can see them clearly through out the night When morning comes its time to move on When you look up the stars are gone But look again they'er still there And all you can do is stop and stare How tall they are to touch the clouds Whoever made them must be proud Soon I will leave I will have to go I'll never forget how those stars did glow So when they ask what did you see I think I'll save that one just for me So in he morning with the same old sounds I'll remember the birds and the deer on the ground And when I am sitting in the warm The stars and the mountains I will mourn thanks given to james for his spelling corrections This was wrighten in the mountains of scotland 27 oct 2007 |
||
| © Copyright 2008 Andrew Hull - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
simon Member
since 2008-01-14
Posts 440London, England |
I like it. You paint quite vivid pictures & I was able to see the landscapes in question. Enjoyable... (spelling was perfect by the way) |
||
|
Bobby Jordan Member
since 2007-08-13
Posts 491Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Kudanesh, Not too bad for a start. The only real problem is that you have lost a lot of meaning in an effort to make the end words rhyme. This is referred to in poetry as "forcing the lines". It's something to be avoided. Poetry does not have to rhyme, and most modern poetry does not. Loosen up. Your spelling is almost fine. The only word you missed is "they're", which you spelled "they'er". "They're" is the contraction for "they are", it's made by dropping the assumed "a" in are. Bobby |
||
|
Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Andrew, though you had already posted this, I loved very much to reread it, because it is truly very beautiful! love, Margherita  |
||
|
kudanesh Member
since 2007-12-01
Posts 135Peterborough,England |
Thank you for your words I didnt realize I had |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
