I Don't Want to be a Peter Pan

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Jaime Fradera
Senior Member

since 2000-11-25

Posts 843
Where no tyranny is tolerable

0 posted 2008-01-06 07:13 PM

No Peter Pan.
The worst I would want to be perceived in public,
is as someone who is needy and clinging,
who can't control the disgusting flow
of his emotional secretions.
someone who's development has been arrested.
I DO NOT want to seem a peter pan.
Yet if I tell others of my psychic ferment,
accidentally let them glimpse the raw, bleeding exposure,
an unannounced avalanche of feeling in public,
What else are they going to think of me
than to send me back to "the other place?"
And saying: am I really fifty, or just five?
Something has broken open within me.
There is blood in there, old pain,
old business that has been neglected far too long.
There is a kind of raw and untamed pint-up energy in there,
pressing for, demanding to be released, RIGHT NOW!
But of one thing I am completely certain:
It is the very animating force of Life itself
that appears to be thrashing me,
performing psychic surgery on me.
I can't tell them this in public.
But I long so deeply to be held ...

And that office girl in church?
How could she have known what I have shared with very few?
Today,
no sooner did I walk through the door
than she was RIGHT THERE, as if by forethought.
And then, right there, in public,
I was in her arms,
or was it she in mine?
The fullest, tenderest hugs I can remember
or ever describe.
In her lush and full embrace,
I knew Heaven
while still standing on this depleted, beaten planet.
She had to run, she apologized ...
I meant to tell her how she,
the goddess of generosity, had lifted me to Paradise.
No, that would be embarrassing ...
I wanted to confide in her.
But what? needy, clinging peter pan?

I don't understand.
I don't understand the sudden spells of moodiness.
I don't understand
why the office girl is so solicitous?
It is the joy that Midnitesun brought into my life
some years ago, when this century was new.
But is it pleasure received, or pleasure given?
Am I being held? Or do I hold?
Is it the love so freely given me?
Or is it the love that I impart?
with equal gratitude impart to my new friend?
I'm fifty, and I don't quite understand
this unsightly, putrid, messy,
this awful strange and freaky thing called Life.
Tomorrow is but another page
in a story still unfolding.
And I'll need no reading light to get through this one ...
Southern Cross

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

1 posted 2008-01-06 07:15 PM

A wonderful flow of thoughts and experience...James

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant

since 2006-11-07

Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !

2 posted 2008-01-06 07:22 PM

very real, personal, and powerful 'write!'

EagleScorpion
Senior Member

since 2000-03-08

Posts 1644
Here, Now, Forever

3 posted 2008-01-06 07:23 PM

to be a peter pan is a wonderous thing ,

because you are different from the established norm..

they watch you

as you sail over them..

and they wonder

why?

why are you just another flying being

blind and oblivious

but uncaring

Clang
Member

since 2005-12-15

Posts 222

4 posted 2008-01-06 07:36 PM

I'm glad it's working with the office girl! Awesome!

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

5 posted 2008-01-06 07:57 PM

Jaime, friendship with you is...a forever reality. Hold onto your dream catcher, and know that all who take time to know you, love you.
Don't ever be embarrassed about wanting to be loved...it is the essence of being human, to want to give and receive love.

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