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Open Poetry #41
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2007-12-10 02:00 PM


.


Little angels
However cold
Dressed in white
Ballerinas
With crystal shoes

Descending through
The blue streetlamp light
Gathering together
For another year

Silver sparkles
The leafless boughs
So life goes on
Even under winter stars

And soon at dawn
We too will know
As well

Where rabbits were playing
In the snow


.

© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
1 posted 2007-12-10 02:21 PM


when George went
to his oil stand.

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
2 posted 2007-12-10 03:32 PM


Huan Yi-

Lovely poem

ARCTIC WIND

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
3 posted 2007-12-10 06:47 PM


To me, this is (American) 'Zen Minimalism' beyond 'excellence!'...
I don't have adequate descriptors for this grand-fine 'write!' (and,
I am not often at a loss for words)...

VERY serious, long-sustained hyper-applause!!
[another poetic 'standing ovation!']

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
4 posted 2007-12-10 09:25 PM


Drop the first two lines, and start with:
"Dressed in white
Ballerinas
With crystal shoes"
Nice imagery.
And loved the ending:
"And soon at dawn
We too will know
As well
Where rabbits were playing
In the snow"


nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
5 posted 2007-12-10 10:44 PM


You must have been peeking in my yard this past week... I should have taken a picture for you


M

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
6 posted 2007-12-10 11:09 PM


What a lovely canvas you paint.
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