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Open Poetry #41
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poetninoit
Junior Member
since 2007-06-10
Posts 20


0 posted 2007-12-06 02:09 AM


I started this poem the other night and I can't quite figure out where to go with it. If you have any suggestions please post them.

Awh the days of young-love bliss
When love was felt through every kiss
with late night talks
and romantic walks
No love was better than this

And when the road turned, you turned together
but, you never thought you'd be turning forever
you twisted and turned,
you crashed and burned
Now your broken and can't get better


That's it so far. It feels like it's moving too fast and the 6th line is in an awkward spot. Please help.

© Copyright 2007 poetninoit - All Rights Reserved
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
1 posted 2007-12-06 09:48 AM


I like what you have so far.

Maybe think of the 2nd stanza as not and see if you can fill in between the two. it's the only suggestion I can come up with..

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
2 posted 2007-12-06 11:24 AM


"Awh the days of young-love bliss
When love was felt through every kiss
with late night talks
and romantic walks"

~ "Awh", indeed! A love-ly opening stanza!

Regarding your request for some suggestions, might I suggest what I have frequently done ~ Leave it for awhile and start working on a new poem. When I revisit the poem, it is often with fresh eyes and a new perspective and the creative juices begin to flow.

If the piece that I am working on becomes labor-intensive, then it most likely will not be one of my better writes. However, when I get back into the flow of a poem, magic happens and the words come effortlessly. They practially write themselves!  Just a thought!

Giving you a warm, welcoming pip hug,

Earth Angel

Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
3 posted 2007-12-06 12:28 PM


My suggestion is to stop working on it.  Go walk around the park and look at ducks -- that usually works for me.  Suddenly the words start to come.  And usually the poem writes itself totally different from what I thought I was doing, and that was why I was having trouble with it in the first place.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

poetninoit
Junior Member
since 2007-06-10
Posts 20

4 posted 2007-12-07 02:41 AM


Thanks for all the suggestions. And if it was summer I would go for a walk in the park, but unfortunately it's just way too cold. But a great suggestion nonetheless. I like the idea of leaving the 2nd stanza as maybe an ending stanza or something. Thanks again everyone!
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