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Open Poetry #41
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2007-11-15 02:32 PM


.


The yellow maple
Fallen drying leaves
Have begun to skitter
Across the ground
In the late autumn wind

Those flights of geese
We used to see
In the morning sky
Going south are fewer
Every day

Soon we’ll have no choice
But to stay indoors
With books and art
The little artifacts
Of our years

Together alone
Apart from those
Who only have always
Encumbered our lives

Without regret
Or tears


.

© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
TomMark
Member Elite
since 2007-07-27
Posts 2133
LA,CA
1 posted 2007-11-17 08:56 AM


?
oceanvu2
Senior Member
since 2007-02-24
Posts 1066
Santa Monica, California, USA
2 posted 2007-11-17 10:02 AM


Hi John.  This one seems a little aypical in terms of your usual precision in tone and language.  The body of the poem seems melancholy, if not regretful, and at odds with the ending.  "Skitter" and "artifacts" sound a little off, where you are usually more inventive or concrete.

Just me talking, Jim


Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
3 posted 2007-11-17 10:13 AM



.


Thank you both

Jim,
the difference is in that
I was probably thinking
and taking on without
much sympathy or success
the remembered attitude of another

Thanks again for reading

John

.

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
4 posted 2007-11-17 10:38 AM


"stay(ing) indoors
With books and art"

...seems rather a fine concept to me!


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