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Magnus

Member Laureate

since 2001-10-10

Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA

0 posted 2007-07-18 09:38 PM

He knocked upon that wooden door
In hopes they would be there.
His shoulder hurt, his feet were sore
A comb would help his hair.

The night had taken him so far
Away from all he knew.
A honky tonk and smoke filled bar
Was the gig he drew.

He left behind a child or two
A woman shedding tears
For walking bars and drinking brew
Did chase away his fears.

And Christmas was the time he chose
To stash away some change
To give his kids some hand made clothes
Before the next one drained.

She saw his eyes, so kind and blue
Enough to melt her soul
Some sweet cornbread and homemade stew
Would kindly fill his bowl.

He saw her eyes,they mesmerized
And brought him to a screech
He stood there still and super sized
His tongue and labored speech.

The jukebox blared a country tune
As Merle did pluck a string
And two oclock became past noon
As the bedside phone did ring.

And when he woke to find her there
The bed was cool and made
All she left were two strands of hair
And a woman’s razor blade.

He never saw that auburn hair
Or spied that smile again.
She certainly could have warmed his chair
This woman made for men.

for now he walks in wait the sight
of her beyond the ridge
And sings a song at eight each night
from the top of Calico bridge.

[This message has been edited by Magnus (07-20-2007 06:00 PM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2007-07-18 09:45 PM

Oh....ow....

Wow....

dgvarner
Member Elite

since 2000-05-13

Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

2 posted 2007-07-18 10:29 PM

Sounds like a country song....

enjoyed..

g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

3 posted 2007-07-19 06:21 AM

Enjoyed...James

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

4 posted 2007-07-19 09:42 AM

Sounds like a country song in the making! Do you write/sing/play country songs?

You certainly would make a phenomenal lyricist!

I enjoy your tales, Sir Raconteur!

Giving you a big, ol' country hug,

Linda

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

5 posted 2007-07-19 04:24 PM

A great tale, told well! *S* Excellent! *S*

Larry C

Member Patricius

since 2001-09-10

Posts 10286
United States

6 posted 2007-07-19 05:18 PM

Isn't this how legends start? You story teller, you. Nicely done.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

7 posted 2007-07-19 06:18 PM

you know I just adore this rhyme scheme!

lots of hard work went into this beauty here Barry and I thank you for that

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

8 posted 2007-07-19 06:24 PM

Now...
That's a Magnus special!
Welcome back

FadingSun
Member

since 2000-05-01

Posts 76
Southern California

9 posted 2007-07-20 05:01 AM

Great story-telling! You captured a lot with (relationally) very little. Very awesome write with a very cool, flowing hand!

More, please!

In the sight of Love, fear isn't even as great as a single hair: in the law of Love, everything is offered as a sacrifice

MoonShadow
Senior Member

since 2001-08-02

Posts 943
Dark side of the Moon.

10 posted 2007-07-20 10:14 AM

Wonderful imagery. Compelling and visual.

MoonShadow
.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

11 posted 2007-07-20 10:18 AM

excellent flow and rhythm....very much enjoyed

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

12 posted 2007-07-20 12:21 PM

good read

BBGrrl
Member

since 2007-07-17

Posts 181
BC, Canada

13 posted 2007-07-20 12:32 PM

Enjoyed.
A little cleanup with typos and spaces and such - but nice job.

Paul Wilson

Member Elite

since 2002-07-07

Posts 4711
United States

14 posted 2007-07-20 12:46 PM

Barry...Much enjoyed. This does have the ring of a sad country love song. Please put some music with it...Paul

~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

aziza
Member Elite

since 2006-07-09

Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!

15 posted 2007-08-01 12:27 PM

I love this
and was leaning forward
as I read every word out loud.

Thank you.

A

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-12-27

Posts 8348
Florida

16 posted 2007-08-01 12:22 PM

Hey Barry!

Loved the traditional formatting in this..always a favorite.

As for the narrator? *smile* didn't he get what he had previously gave? Karma.

Great story telling.

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

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