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Open Poetry #41
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suthern
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since 1999-07-29
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Louisiana

0 posted 2007-07-17 10:17 AM


There was such promise in your kiss
So why am I alone like this
Wondering why – what’s wrong with me
That you’d treat me so callously?
Maybe my clock’s a little fast
But now more than two hours have passed
Since I thought you’d be at my door.
I’m not mad, I’m heartsick and sore.
I put away the meal I’d cooked
And dress for bed, refusing to look
At the mirror’s cold reflection –
Maybe you wanted perfection?
In that case, I’m sure not the one
You need to be with when the sun
Starkly spotlights each line and sag.
I know it would be more a drag
To hold you closely through the night
Then have you vanish at first light
And not be heard from anymore –
Tonight hurts so… that would hurt more.
Why couldn’t you at least have called
If interest in me had stalled?
Why leave me here nursing these doubts
With introspective crying bouts?
There was such promise in your kiss
So why am I alone like this?

[This message has been edited by suthern (07-17-2007 12:40 PM).]

© Copyright 2007 suthern - All Rights Reserved
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
1 posted 2007-07-17 10:21 AM


This is sad, a sad poem with lot of emotion.


enjoyed

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
2 posted 2007-07-17 11:55 AM


I can relate...doubts can really eat away at you~~

An excellent write.


M

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
3 posted 2007-07-17 01:25 PM




heartsick is the perfect word suthern

well done
sadly


dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
4 posted 2007-07-17 01:55 PM


He's not worthy of you...
good that you sifted your soul with this write!



hugs, g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
5 posted 2007-07-17 05:15 PM


Nice writing...perhaps a sign of future disappointments...perhaps a reasonable explanation...James
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2007-07-17 05:57 PM


SweetSuthernLady~

*sigh* ... such tender poignancy enfolded in the sorrow of this~

I think I heard a heartbreak~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -     noles1@totcon.com   

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
7 posted 2007-07-17 05:57 PM


Been through this more than once, Suthern gal -- I think men just take things for granted sometimes.  Some are just slow learners and they have to be taught not to behave like that.  My older sister gave me one good piece of advice.....she said, "Men are guilty until proven innocent."  Sorry for your heartache, Suthern.   ....jo
secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
8 posted 2007-07-17 05:59 PM


an effective and powerfully emotive 'reality' write!

Even though my (alleged) 'life' is a magnificent disaster...
I have never been able to do this type of write [I greatly
admire those who can!!]

serious, sustained applause!!

Larry C
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since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286
United States
9 posted 2007-07-17 06:27 PM


Ya' know if I thought this had really happened to you I'd form a posse! But I'm more inclined to believe you are practicing singing the blues. Perfect write. Peace.

If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane,
I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again.

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
10 posted 2007-07-18 12:57 PM


Hmmm, sure sounds as though this poem is based on reality (which I certainly hope it is NOT!!!) ~ but either way, you're one lady poet who certainly knows how to sing the blues!

Please say it isn't so, Sweetie!

Fine job of writing!

Loving hug,

Linda

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
11 posted 2007-07-18 04:45 AM


suthern, my friend, no man is worth that feeling

I once was romantic like that, cooking dinner and all...but I grew out of it



suthern
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Louisiana
12 posted 2007-07-18 08:41 AM


Drauntz: Thank you so much... I'm glad you enjoyed! *S*

nakdthoughts: I wrote the book on self-doubts eating away... just never finished it cause I don't know the solution! *S* Thank you so much, sweet lady! *S*

Lady, dgvarner, JamesMichael & Marge: Thank you so very much for your kind and compassionate responses... I very much appreciate them! I also feel guilty for them... It wasn't my intention to mislead... and I hate having to add disclaimers... but this is only based on reality, not actuality. Again... thank you...

iliana: That reminds me of what a friend said when asked if he minded cats... "Not if they don't mind an ole dog like me." LOL Fortunately, there are some wonderful men who don't fit the stereotypes... blessed are the women who find them! *S* Thank you very much!!

secondhanddreampoet: Thank you so very much... that applause is music to my ears. *S* However... I can't seem to keep "me" out of what I write... which is sometimes a real bane... I'd love to be able to write from talent, not always emotion. *S*

Oh, Larry, my friend... thank you so much for that posse promise... and for busting me! *S* You're right... this is BASED on reality, but I gave that ole poetic license free rein. *S* And then I watched in consternation, unsure how to stop the train... appreciating the caring but undeserving of it. *S* THANK YOU!!

EA: It's based on reality... but the reality wasn't a lover standing me up. *S* After all... I'd have to have one of those things before he could be a jerk... right? LOL Thank you so very much! *S*

PS: No worthwhile man... or woman... would deliver that feeling to ANYONE. *S* And I love to cook and would for romance, given the opportunity. *S* But as it is... my friends have to suffer my offerings. *S* Thank you so much!!!

Ratleader
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since 2003-01-23
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Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass
13 posted 2007-07-19 01:03 AM


Scrounging for my badge and gun to join that posse, in case this ever does happen to you! Glad as glad to hear that this one was built from raw materials life has brought you along the way -- creation not description, art instead of draftsmanship.

It's so believably drawn that most people did take it as real, and that's a mark of your own skill. Well done!

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>   ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº>  ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº>    ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
14 posted 2007-07-21 12:13 PM


Well, reality, or reality-based, this is one poignant, heart-breaking, kick someone to the curb poem.  Wonderful writing.

Alison

gwaihir
Member
since 2007-07-20
Posts 58
Sub-tropical, USA
15 posted 2007-07-21 12:21 PM


The last line is a question too many disappointed lovers have asked.  Nice write suthern.  
Magnus
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South Carolina, USA
16 posted 2007-07-21 09:34 AM


Posse hell,  I'm bringing the cavalry!!

Very blue write Suthern dear.  You are getting
far too good at them.

suthern
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Louisiana
17 posted 2007-07-23 08:50 AM


Ratleader: Get that badge and gun ready then...  I guess I jinxed myself by writing this... for I WAS stood up Friday night - my dinner party apparently partied elsewhere... and without me! LOL (anyone want some leftovers... 'cepting the wine, of course... I drank it during my all alone pity party? *G*) Thank you so much for your kind comments... Unfortunately, it seems life isn't through dumping those raw materials my way.  *G*

aziza: Thank you so much... As Friday proved to me once again... we get kicked to the curb all too often... whether by lovers or others.  *S*

gwaihir: Thank you so very much... and welcome to passions!!! I appreciate your read very much! *S*

Magnus: You dear. *S* Write what you know... isn't that the advice? *S* Thank you so very much... and don't lose the calvary's number, please! *S*

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
18 posted 2007-07-23 06:26 PM


"Tonight hurts so… that would hurt more."

Beautifuly written, with words aching through the lines and down the page. A wonderfully emotion-filled write. Loved it Ruth!

Best wishes and hugs,
/Kit

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

19 posted 2007-07-23 07:00 PM


Aww Ruth, I just wanna reach right through the screen and hug you.  I do know the way that doubt can make us ache...and that doubt word just somehow sneaks in there even when we try not to let it.

And imperfections?  They are what makes us even more beautiful.  *s*
huggin you lady!!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082
Victoria Australia
20 posted 2007-07-24 05:14 PM


Lady,
I'd take that meal wrap it up and post it to him, then you won't have to sing the blues and his blue will come from mould.

a good commitee can decimate communication.

Rick
Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 2903
Victoria, Australia
21 posted 2007-07-24 08:06 PM


Dear suthern, I can feel your sadness here my friend, wonderfully expressed emotion though. Each one of us feels the pain of life, but somehow we get through, hope all is well, take care.

Rick

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
22 posted 2007-07-26 09:35 AM


Kit: Thank you so very much, kind lady! *S*

GS: I'd gladly take that hug! *S* Thank you so much! *S*

Kethry: ROFL... I do love your ideas, dear friend... thank you! *S*

Rick: Yes... bruised toes and all, we stumble through. *S* Thank you so much!!!

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