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Open Poetry #40
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dgvarner
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since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida

0 posted 2007-07-01 10:03 AM


(With the recent deaths of the 9 firefighters in my hometown, Charleston SC, just down the street from where I used to work, my poet got a kick in the heart to finish this one for my husband..)


Lord, keep my Angel safe tonight
Where peril may be great
Lend him strength to break through fire
Keep his halo straight

Help him Lord, to fly courageous
Keep him sure of foot
He’ll need your guidance in the dark
In blinding smoke and soot

Should his wings get blackened there
In fire’s ferocity
Wrap your arms around his shoulders
Lead him through hell’s fury

I love him Lord, he rescued me
From some uncertain truths
He brought me out of personal fire
And showed me Love’s own proof

Please watch his back, but grasp his hand
He’ll have no time for doubt
If the flames should pull him in
I beg you, pull him out!

But if in flight he meets such plight
And you gather him from ashen floor
Whisper gently my love for him
As you carry him through Heaven’s door…

© Copyright 2007 dgvarner - All Rights Reserved


[This message has been edited by dgvarner (07-02-2007 11:23 PM).]

© Copyright 2007 dgvarner - All Rights Reserved
Robert Jordan
Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA
1 posted 2007-07-01 01:15 PM


Dgvarner,

The thought is there, however, some of the lines come out a little forced.

Bobby

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
2 posted 2007-07-01 04:38 PM


Nice writing...wonderful thoughts from your heart...James
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750
Glen Hope, PA USA
3 posted 2007-07-01 04:47 PM


What a beautiful thought contained within these lines. Just by tweeking a word or two throughout to smooth out the meter a bit would make this piece absolutely perfect My hat is off to these me who put on that uniform and risk their lives for people they often don't even know
Ruth

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
4 posted 2007-07-01 07:46 PM


ROBERT~ uhm...thanks?

JAMES~ Thanks a bunch!

RUTH~ Thanks..I appreciate your comments!

I started this in a rhyme, so I had to finish it that way--however, I'll have to admit, I'm a free-verse junkie...I find it difficult to pen all the words piling up in my head while I'm flipping through that same space for the perfect rhyme! I rather liken it to 'condom sex' (LOL); so many words rushing through but they're unable to get out due to the poet's 'safety net' of rhyme!

hugs, g


Magnus
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since 2001-10-10
Posts 14135
South Carolina, USA
5 posted 2007-07-01 08:19 PM


Denise, ...  being a Summerville resident,
I guess I was about 20 miles away from where
the fire was....The TriCounty area was deeply
saddened and affected by the loss of 9 who
most certainly should be called heroes...for
it took great courage to do what they had
done.

Thanx for what you have given us....either
way, free verse or rhyme is perfectly okay
by me....I do know the feeling and it tugs
at me a little bit, just as it does you
and Ruth.

PS:  You have been missed~!~

Midnitesun
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since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
6 posted 2007-07-01 08:27 PM


wow, it's lady Varner! So good to see you, though it's such a tragic event that  inspired you to post again.
May your husband stay in safety's hands.
dg, please visit more often

[This message has been edited by Midnitesun (07-01-2007 09:32 PM).]

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

7 posted 2007-07-01 11:13 PM


Hi dg!

Pretty good for a "free-verse junkie".
Now that you have gotten it out this way you are free to do a free-verse version.

I don't do structural fires, but I've done enough "wild-land" to understand.  Always a risk.

(Good to see you here!)

e

SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
8 posted 2007-07-02 09:05 AM


This is very nice. Always great to pay tribute to and acknowledge those who serve.

Dinah

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
9 posted 2007-07-02 09:50 AM


Your poem was finished in divine time!
~ When it would be most needed and appreciated.

The loss of those 9 firefighters, was felt deeply up here north of the 49th parallel, as well. Your beautifully expressed poem of heartfelt sentiments, brought the tears welling up in my eyes again.

May bands of angels protect all those who serve and protect. Be they police, the military, or our firefighters.

Your pen ~ and your lovely spirit ~ have been missed!

Giving you a loving, welcome-back hug,

Linda


Paul Wilson
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since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711
United States
10 posted 2007-07-02 09:55 AM


dgvarner...A beautiful prayer for your husband. It is said all things come to those who wait and this poem is a testement to that, you waited till the words were given to you from above in order to finish this masterpiece. Thanks for sharing with us...Paul

~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
11 posted 2007-07-02 10:45 AM


MIDNITESUN~ Thanks!  It's good to be here again!!  Every few months I just have to come back..lol

e~ Hey there friend! Thanks for stopping by my poem...Always good to hear from you! You still do wild-land?

DINAH~ Thank you!

LINDA~ Most appreciate your comments!  Thank you much for the welcome-back hug!!

PAUL~ Thank you so much--And like your 'signature' says, this poem is me sharing my heart!!

hugs, g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
12 posted 2007-07-02 05:01 PM


dg... so nice to see your pen at work with such a loving piece. I hope this prayer is always answered for you.

Parker

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
13 posted 2007-07-02 07:30 PM


DG~
You did a WONDERFUL job on this, gal~

Touching, tender ... so you~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -   noles1@totcon.com

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
14 posted 2007-07-02 07:35 PM



g

it's the feelings that count
and this counts for quite a lot

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
15 posted 2007-07-02 11:30 PM


PARKER~ Can't tell you how good it is to hear from you...   Thank you for your reply--I hope that prayer is always answered too...

MARGIE~ Thanks so much for your encouragement!!  much appreciated!

LADY~ Thank you...

hugs, g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
16 posted 2007-07-03 03:07 AM


Maybe you 'tweeked' this since you first posted it because I think it is wonderful.

I think that the readers also have a responsiblity to place emphasis on syllables to make poems 'work' .. and when I read your poem aloud to myself (twice) it worked wonderfully to me.

You moved me to tears.  I wish your husband safe days always - and I think your tribute is one of the most moving pieces of writing that I have read in some time.

Kudos and thoughts to you,
Alison

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
17 posted 2007-07-03 05:03 AM


It is a lovely and moving prayer.

"He brought me out of personal fire
And showed me Love’s own proof"

For that act alone he is deserving of protection.

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
18 posted 2007-07-03 10:48 AM


ALISON~ Nope...no tweeking was done around here...lol  thank you so much for being able to read it as I read it!  Much appreciate your encouragement!

HONEYBUNCH~ Yes he is...lol  He's a good somebody!  thanks a bunch for your reply...

, g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
19 posted 2007-07-03 07:56 PM


My thoughts have often brushed past you... didn't you hear them.


dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
20 posted 2007-07-03 10:18 PM


PARKER~ Was that you, dear poet? So good to have your thoughts brush my poet soul!

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
21 posted 2007-07-04 05:16 AM


Just came back to tell you that I have read this to several family members and friends -- they wanted me to tell you how moved they are and that they wish you and your family the best.

Happy 4th

A

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
22 posted 2007-07-04 12:35 PM


ALISON~  You're the coolest!  Tell the fam TY for me!

hugs, g

suthern
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since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
23 posted 2007-07-10 02:44 PM


Please watch his back, but grasp his hand
He’ll have no time for doubt
If the flames should pull him in
I beg you, pull him out!

But if in flight he meets such plight
And you gather him from ashen floor
Whisper gently my love for him
As you carry him through Heaven’s door…

The love in these lines is so tender... it brings tears!!! I think anyone who loves someone who regularly faces his own mortality so that others can be saved would find you've written their heart! *S*

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
24 posted 2007-07-11 03:31 PM


SUTHERN~ thanks so much for your reply...if I have brought tears then I have reached your heart...and that means I've succeeded in sharing my own!!  

hugs, g


"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...
25 posted 2007-07-18 03:06 AM


"Please watch his back, but grasp his hand
He’ll have no time for doubt
If the flames should pull him in
I beg you, pull him out!

But if in flight he meets such plight
And you gather him from ashen floor
Whisper gently my love for him
As you carry him through Heaven’s door…"


yanno?... I've missed reading you...
and especially reading your heart...

this?... is ALL heart...
wrapped in beauty...

one of my favorites...
and, in my opinion, one of your best...

love you, gale...


"When the power of love overcomes the love
of power the world will know peace."
--Jimi Hendrix

Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
26 posted 2008-04-21 07:44 AM


DG~
In times of gentle recall I come back to read your heart in this piece~
I was thinking, while reading through the replies, that no ink that comes from the heart is ever 'forced' ... it flows because the poet writes what she feels~
That is just what you did in this piece of heartfelt pouring~

Love you, gal~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -             noles1@totcon.com

dgvarner
Member Elite
since 2000-05-13
Posts 3552
High Springs, Florida
27 posted 2008-04-21 08:15 AM


Thank you miss margie...
If this had been "forced" it would have taken me a lot less than 3 yrs to have written it!  Perhaps if Mr. Jordan knew how to read it, he could appreciate it

I appreciate your replies!

hugs, g

"...Never regret anything that made you smile..."

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
28 posted 2008-04-21 10:30 AM


DG~
As you and I previously discussed, I am sorry that your feelings were hurt by someone who obviously doesn't understand the heart of a true poet~

Oh yes ... and I see you don't solicit 'critiques' anyhow~

YOU are the sweetest person to have struggled for so long to perfect this for hubby~

Love you~
*Huglets*
~*Marrge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -             noles1@totcon.com

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