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Open Poetry #40
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2007-05-14 07:33 PM


.


The phone rings
To that silence
On the other side

An old man
With a rasping voice
Says goodbye


.


© Copyright 2007 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
1 posted 2007-05-14 09:17 PM


nice. It is so nice to be polite.

enjoyed.

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
2 posted 2007-05-16 02:01 AM


I see him sitting on his straight chair, the plastic cover a bit cracked, his ankles so thin over his slip on's .. his clothes rumpled and his white hair illustrating "bed head" -- I smell his lonliness -- and I hear his fragile voice before it is silent.

That's what your poem did to me.

Alison

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
3 posted 2007-05-16 07:41 AM


nice character snapshot, John
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
4 posted 2007-05-16 12:34 PM


It also can be read like this, a very sad one.

A frustrated old man was waiting for a call. But the call never came. So he dialed the number and said "goodbye" to the beeping sound  of other end.

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