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Open Poetry #40
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iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts

0 posted 2007-05-08 07:03 PM


Ahhhh It's good to be back! It's been so long since I've been here or posted anything.

I've written a few things since then, but I want to get some fresh critiques from anyone that hasn't read any of my poems. The poem I'm posting is an oldie, but a goodie in my mind. It's one of my favorites. As long as everyone keeps reading, I'll post more!


Dead Keepsakes

Hang them from the ceiling
With twine around their necks.
Days go by, the life dripping out of them,
The color draining.
Look what has been done.
But everyone does it
Why put them to waste?
They’re keepsakes,
A reminder of something significant
Or someone significant
In such a useless and forgotten life.
Some parts green, others muddy brown
And the foul stench,
Just the thought is repulsive.
By the six or by the dozen
They’re hung from the ceiling with twine,
Swaying slightly as the wind blows
Through the old and dirty drapes,
Filling the room with old air
Despite the new day.
The years go by and the stench departs slowly
Colors remain the same:
A muddy brown, a swamp green.
Dried and useless.
A memo from a time of hope.
But the future proved the hopeful times
Weren’t as happy as he said they would be.
So to show him the feeling,
Hang them from the ceiling
With twine around their necks.
Then the days go by, the life drips from them
And the color drains.
Why put them to waste?
They’re keepsakes

"The green of your eyes
That you get from your father
Shows your personality,
Such a young girl with an equally
Young and foolish heart."
~Lynn M

© Copyright 2007 Lynn Moynahan - All Rights Reserved
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
1 posted 2007-05-08 07:43 PM


Why did it have to be this way?
But here Dominick is. Looks like his father.
There is no denying it.
He thinks she is in love with him.
She doesn't love him either.
But he doesn’t know.
And now,
she is gone.


posted
11-17-2003.yours...see the familiar eaves??

iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
2 posted 2007-05-08 08:04 PM


Yes, that's mine...like I said, I haven't been here in a while. I decided to repost some stuff to get fresh feedback. I'm almost done with my semester here in school, and I will be posting more of my newer poems when I get home and have my poems with me.

But I don't understand this:
posted
11-17-2003.yours...see the familiar eaves??



"The green of your eyes
That you get from your father
Shows your personality,
Such a young girl with an equally
Young and foolish heart."
~Lynn M

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
3 posted 2007-05-08 08:20 PM


11-17-2003 your poem titled Thomas's Poem

You used special character which is used by someone else frequently to show strong emotions.
will you please explain it to me that why you wanted to use it?

truth only please!

[This message has been edited by Drauntz (05-08-2007 09:34 PM).]

iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
4 posted 2007-05-09 10:04 PM


I'm not sure what you're talking about. Do you mean like using someone else's voice to express strong emotion rather than my own?

The part of the story that you posted wasn't anything real. I just started writing it one day when it came to me. I was reading some epics in one of my classes a few years ago, and I wanted to see if I could write in that way. I didn't go very far with it since I lost interest after a while.

Dead Keepsakes is to myself, I guess. It's about dead roses being dried and the emotions that are feeling the same way. Just exhausted and unable to care anymore.

I hope that answers your question! If not, just be more specific in the question.

"The green of your eyes
That you get from your father
Shows your personality,
Such a young girl with an equally
Young and foolish heart."
~Lynn M

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
5 posted 2007-05-09 10:11 PM


’t....I am asking about this.  what is the meaning of this?
iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
6 posted 2007-05-09 10:18 PM


Ohhhhhhhhhhhh I get it....I don't know. I think it is just some sort of mess up. Different formats. A lot of times if you copy and paste something from a word processor or something similar, apostrophes and some other characters will show up like that. Nothing significant. Just a thing that comes up.
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
7 posted 2007-05-09 10:36 PM


I thought that you have better explanations.

Thank you!!

iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
8 posted 2007-05-09 10:46 PM


Did it answer your question?

"The green of your eyes
That you get from your father
Shows your personality,
Such a young girl with an equally
Young and foolish heart."
~Lynn M

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
9 posted 2007-05-09 10:50 PM


absolutely not.
iwontdrownagain
Junior Member
since 2003-10-04
Posts 39
Massachusetts
10 posted 2007-05-10 05:59 AM


if you're asking about this ’t, the symbols, they are a glitch type of thing that happens when some sort of format incompatibility happens between the word processor and wherever it is being put into on some sort of form.

"The green of your eyes
That you get from your father
Shows your personality,
Such a young girl with an equally
Young and foolish heart."
~Lynn M

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