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Open Poetry #40
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LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296


0 posted 2007-05-04 08:26 AM


disobediant time
why
leave the lucky
who dream fish
frail little stream
of sorrow
chandeliers are
saints of lost things
influencing lovely lyrics
sharpness of attention
like a hawk
you change your life
and mine

you've found someone else
transparent immediacy
it's ok
I saw her watching
from the distance

the quietude recalls
poetry
zen like imagrey
parallel lives
damp seepage from
gutters

downpours
lay me out speechless
here, there
across the world

naked wood trusted amber
lyrics
between stranger's
minds
was it playground to
colors in our veins
now, buried with us?
oh
the fall
the fall
labors of atonment
your eyes
find someone else
quit quickly

I missed you

heart at your
moody feet
ideas and dreams
mimic the embrace

go now
don't look back

once

she writes
what I
could never touch
better to balance
wooden raft
alone

your eyes
watch her
short hem
body full of blood
for one more day
for one more day
her tease
captivates your finger tips
you trace her words
gliding along
with her

night is sugary
I feel your absence

fair well
ol friend

we were good
were we not?

thank you for
your thoughts

can you hear
the snow geese
fly north?

they speak your name

I pause
pause
  then walk on

unfortunately
the last mind's
thoughts
are her words
seducing you
and
you
respond
so
quickly
so quickly


© Copyright 2007 Lee J. - All Rights Reserved
secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
1 posted 2007-05-04 09:05 AM


particularly ‘interesting’ images:

“chandeliers are
saints of lost things”;

“lyrics
between stranger's
minds”;

“her tease
captivates your finger tips
you trace her words”

I enjoyed this 'read'!

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla
2 posted 2007-05-04 09:26 AM


LeeJ
You watch the birds of regret fly. Enjoyed the read and the top of the morning to ya.

Startime55
Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada
3 posted 2007-05-04 10:05 AM


I could feel each line and touch the pain even as it was released into the distant sky...A poem that captivates and tells a story I too shared sometime in my life...Well done...*Big Hugs*
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
4 posted 2007-05-04 10:23 AM


Dear LeeJ

The sweet goodbye...of love letting go, yet not.  Time is like that.  This poem is amazing!  

Robert Jordan
Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA
5 posted 2007-05-04 12:15 PM


LeeJ,

This is an interesting and well written stream of consciousness poem.  My only suggestion would be to start with a cap, and end it with a period.

Bobby

SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 2002-12-29
Posts 1745
California Desert
6 posted 2007-05-04 12:19 PM


Great scroll...made this reader feel you were going to hang on just as long as you could before actually - letting go.

nusual imagery and I really enjoyed the read - thank you.

Dinah

HopeS
Member Elite
since 2000-12-22
Posts 4596
Perth Western Australia
7 posted 2007-05-04 02:41 PM


For some reason I found this to be touching and heartfelt


Hope

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
8 posted 2007-05-04 03:44 PM


unfortunately
the last mind's
thoughts
are her words
seducing you
and
you
respond
so
quickly
so quickly

Reading this dredged up some painful memories... but I think I would have felt every word regardless. *S* Stunning write!

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2007-05-04 06:06 PM



You have not lost
some magic
in your woof
and weave

and like any
good angler,

you tease the line
and draw us in
to be drawn
and quartered
and fried in butter

with a tear left
over
thanking the gods

for proof
of the spirit
of the quest.

dang...

You did it again.






The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
10 posted 2007-05-05 12:59 PM




yes you did it again
and as usual
you did it so well...

"naked wood trusted amber
lyrics
between stranger's
minds"

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
11 posted 2007-05-06 12:50 PM


quote:
can you hear
the snow geese
fly north?

they speak your name

I pause
pause
  then walk on

unfortunately
the last mind's
thoughts
are her words
seducing you
and
you
respond
so
quickly
so quickly





Extremely captivating. Powerful write, dear LeeJ.
Never expect anything less than that, of course!
Love,
Margherita

1slick_lady
Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088
standing on a shadow's lace
12 posted 2007-05-06 07:58 PM


"we were good
were we not?"

you leave me so speechless
and so breathless
tearing at my heart



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