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Open Poetry #40
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Robert Jordan
Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA

0 posted 2007-05-03 09:40 PM


Felix is beat down bad.  
All the work and abuse
has changed him.  

His eyes are empty now.  
He has Sally worried.

She remembers
when they first
brought him here.  

He seemed fairly
normal then.  

Even though he never
smiled back then,
at least she could get
a few words out of him.  

She knows she has to
get him out of here.  

It might be too late.  
He never talks.  
All he does is work.  

He’ll do anything
the man asks him to do.  

Sally wonders about
the relationship
between Felix and the man.  

What is the man doing to him?  

They seem to spend
a lot of time together.  

Sally wants out of here too.  
She decides
she has to rescue Felix.  

Perhaps if they are both free together,
she can bring him back to life.



© Copyright 2007 Robert E. Jordan - All Rights Reserved
Marge Tindal
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Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
1 posted 2007-05-04 08:18 AM


RJ~
Nicely told in a free-style prosey format~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -             noles1@totcon.com

LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296

2 posted 2007-05-04 08:30 AM


sad, yet written with great emotion...

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
3 posted 2007-05-04 08:59 AM


The fine story (and effective telling of said) continues!

Applause!

Startime55
Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada
4 posted 2007-05-04 10:11 AM


ABSOLUTELY STUNNING...These words brought some long ago memories alive...very powerful words that share so much...I will be following the telling of Felix...*Big Hugs*
Robert Jordan
Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA
5 posted 2007-05-04 11:58 AM


Marge,

Thanks for the kind words.  I’m glad you are enjoying the tales.

Thanks LeeJ,

Don’t worry.  Things will be looking up soon.

Secondhanddreampoet,

Thanks for the hand.  I really appreciate your support.

Startime55,

I hope these stories will not be too depressing for you.  There is light at the end of this tunnel, anyway.

Bobby

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
6 posted 2007-05-06 12:07 PM


quote:
Perhaps if they are both free together,
she can bring him back to life.




Yes, dear Bobby, under such sad circumstances life indeed is not lived, it is a heavy burden. So I love the last line particularly, it sums it all up.

Thank you for continuing to share this story. I am glad things will improve for Felix!

Love,
Margherita


aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
7 posted 2007-05-12 02:34 AM


I came to find this poem.  I read the second one first and knew I was missing something unusual and special.

A

Edward Grim
Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154
Greenville, South Carolina
8 posted 2007-05-12 06:06 PM


I don't know about this. It seems pretty choppy and even a tad bit dull. There's nothing particularly interesting about it. The story, and style and even the language seem pretty common. I'm not trying to offend you, I'm just giving my honest opinion. Maybe if you made longer stanzas and used more interesting language. That's really the only advice I can offer for this.


- Ed

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

Robert Jordan
Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA
9 posted 2007-05-13 01:20 PM


Margherita,

Yo, Sally and Felix are doing good.  They’re tough cookies, and very inventive.

Aziza,

Thanks for enjoying the series.  Sally and Felix are special people.

Edward Grim,

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Bobby

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