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Passions in Poetry

A Somewhat Grim Challenge

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aziza
Member Elite
since 07-09-2006
Posts 3000
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!


0 posted 05-03-2007 01:33 AM       View Profile for aziza   Email aziza   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for aziza

Echoing death rattle keens as seepage froths
Regurgitating forth a vomit river
She’s a slave to an ancient master
Bent in submission, eyes worn
Sopping up the life fluids copiously spewing
Yet, still she begs for use
Entreating false prayers for further purification
Pleading for redemption before collection is required


Alison

[This message has been edited by aziza (05-03-2007 02:24 AM).]

© Copyright 2007 Alison - All Rights Reserved
SPIRIT
Senior Member
since 12-29-2002
Posts 1778
California Desert


1 posted 05-03-2007 07:18 AM       View Profile for SPIRIT   Email SPIRIT   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for SPIRIT

Pretty grim indeed these words although well put together...I am curious though, you say for a challenge, but what was the challenge?

Dinah
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


2 posted 05-03-2007 08:22 AM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

gosh, this really was grim, for sure

I like it though
Robert Jordan
Member
since 02-07-2007
Posts 387
Philadelphia Pa USA


3 posted 05-03-2007 08:35 AM       View Profile for Robert Jordan   Email Robert Jordan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Robert Jordan's Home Page   View IP for Robert Jordan

Aziza,

This can be construed as something pretty grisly.   I like that, nice to see it here.

Bobby
LeeJ
Member Patricius
since 06-19-2003
Posts 13093
SE PA


4 posted 05-03-2007 08:59 AM       View Profile for LeeJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LeeJ

Alison
this was outstanding and I am eternally greatful for your write, as well as inspired by it.  Thank you
aziza
Member Elite
since 07-09-2006
Posts 3000
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!


5 posted 05-03-2007 11:20 AM       View Profile for aziza   Email aziza   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for aziza

Thank you all - Dinah, the challenge is on the Challenge Board (under Discussions) and was made by Ed Grim.  

Again, my thanks to you all.

A
aziza
Member Elite
since 07-09-2006
Posts 3000
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!


6 posted 05-03-2007 11:30 AM       View Profile for aziza   Email aziza   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for aziza

Okay, I can't stand it.  Obscurity is like a secret to me -- and this morning I can't keep my secret.

Dinah, this was the jist of the challenge made by Ed, "So there's the challenge. Write outside of your comfort zone. Write something uncomfortable for the reader and "cryptic" (but make sure it means something). Use word blends that you normally wouldn't."

The Grim Challenge is a pun.  The obvious word play on the word "grim" - but also all I wrote of is a grim challenge.  It's about my washing machine and begging it to remain alive (a grim task) and the poem refers to my struggle to write this (another grim task, at the time).

The ancient master is my washing machine.  The death rattle is due to the fact it is on its last legs (do washing machines have legs?).  The vomit river is the water that seeps and pours out from it when I wash clothes.  Begging for use is asking it to do just one more load - and the reference to collection is about paying out money for a new one.

The challenge was a challenge - and had me laughing a bit while I wrote it.

Thanks again to all those who commented.  Each of you bouy me up in my attempts to write.

Alison
Edward Grim
Senior Member
since 12-18-2005
Posts 1112
Greenville, South Carolina


7 posted 05-03-2007 12:07 PM       View Profile for Edward Grim   Email Edward Grim   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Edward Grim's Home Page   View IP for Edward Grim

Alison! This is great! I love love love it. I felt my skin crawling at one point. Wonderful write! I knew you had a funky side in you. This really is great. Thanks for giving my challenge a try! Cheers   - Ed

Head Cheese & Chicken Feet

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 12-26-2005
Posts 7633
The Southwest


8 posted 05-03-2007 01:41 PM       View Profile for The Lady   Email The Lady   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for The Lady




Amazing!

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 02-08-2003
Posts 21103
Eternity


9 posted 05-06-2007 12:22 PM       View Profile for Margherita   Email Margherita   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Margherita

You certainly met Ed Grim's challenge very well!
It would have been mysterious had you not explained it, but even in the mystery it was perfectly and colorfully expressed.

Deserves another round.

Love,
Margherita
aziza
Member Elite
since 07-09-2006
Posts 3000
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!


10 posted 05-06-2007 04:00 PM       View Profile for aziza   Email aziza   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for aziza

Thank you, lovely ones -- and I agree about not explaining and normally I wouldn't.  But, as it was a challenge and as I have a hard time keeping secrets that are not really secrets -- I couldn't stop myself.  (laughs)

I am one of those people who can not buy presents early as I will give them immediately and then have to go out and buy more.  My family and friends love that about me.  I am the one who says, "Guess What?" and waits impatiently through one guess before bubbling my secret out.  I can't help it.

I think it's a compulsion!!!

Alison
aziza
Member Elite
since 07-09-2006
Posts 3000
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!


11 posted 05-06-2007 04:02 PM       View Profile for aziza   Email aziza   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for aziza

Oh and Mr. Edward Grim .. I am not sure how you will feel being grouped under "Lovely Ones"  .. How about Mr. Grim Reaper of Poetic Mystery or something.  I am still finishing my first cup of coffee so I am not feeling all that creative at the moment.  It's my best shot.

Thank you for the challenge and for your comments.

Alison
 
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