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Open Poetry #40
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removing me
| Open Poetry #40 |
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removing me |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana 
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Excuse me, please I’ve just the tiniest bit Of tidying to do So this place better suits you Let me toss aside This love I left here Thinking to give You warmth and comfort It looks out of place On your couch As I was in your life A soft swipe of cleaning cloth Will quickly brush away The dust of dreams That hovers so inappropriately I won’t leave motes of hope Dangling in your air How I loved to breathe you in I will scrub away Each spot and trace of blood I gave my heart so messily But bleach will surely take Every stain of me From your memory Pine scent is your preference, right? Sweeping these wishes Right out the door They’re not welcome anymore The glasses that your lips will touch Now sparkle and shine With no recall of mine I tasted heaven in your kiss One moment more to put away Our few hours together Then I’ll polish your best lines Knowing they’ll soon be delivered I guess I really should leave These cleaning supplies Handy for her |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
suthern Last line, Ouch, Smell not the flowers of yesterday but the ones of today.  |
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LeeJ Member Patricius
since 2003-06-19
Posts 13296 |
I won’t leave motes of hope Dangling in your air How I loved to breathe you in beautiful....but ohhhh the last paragraph and line....really hits it home... Outstanding poetry and writing... |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
SweetSuthernGal~ I feel so blessed that you are both poetess and friend~ Tender ache ... so poignantly told~ *Huglets*  ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
I won’t leave motes of hope Dangling in your air ~*~ Looks like Lee and I picked these as immaculately exquisite lines of visual metaphor… and "ouch", indeed. Well done, Ruth! |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Brilliant metaphorical writing! Absolutely brilliant! It would appear to me that these song lyrics should be like a mantra for you! "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair!" Leave the house cleaning to his next 'Miss'fortune! Great write, suthern One! Loveya! Linda |
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Drauntz Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905Los Angeles California |
oh! the last line swept all away. beautiful enjoyed |
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Kethry Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-29
Posts 9082Victoria Australia |
You don't post often enough for my liking...but when you do your poems are jam packed with emotion. I'd like to pick a favourite line but there are so many of them...so many. a good commitee can decimate communication. |
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Interloper
since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369Deep in the heart |
BRAVO! Well done! I love it so!  Poet, said my Muse to me, look in thy heart and write. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
"tearing" me up~~just because M |
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aziza Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy! |
suthern You grabbed me and didn't let me go from the beginning. I loved the way you painted your emotions in this poem - it is very visual (and I smelled the PineSol). Yes, the ending grabbed me. But the poem stands strong with it or without it. Thank you. This is one of my favorite poems. Alison |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
I am in the mood for a little spring cleaning myself suthern but that ending...wow had me welling up tears |
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MindBodySoul Member
since 2007-01-10
Posts 196NJ |
Suthern! I must say that this is absolutely wonderful! I enjoyed every single word. If only it were that easy to clean house. "One moment more to put away Our few hours together Then I’ll polish your best lines Knowing they’ll soon be delivered I guess I really should leave These cleaning supplies Handy for her" But.. this here.. is the strongest paragraph!! Hit you were it hurts... ouchh is right! Thanks for sharing... Jen--->MindBodySoul |
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iliana Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434USA |
Do I sense a little anger here or what!! Yes, anyone who would hurt our sweet suthern gal, just sweep them out!! Good analogies, suthern one. ...jo |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Bal: Thank you so much! *S* And you're right, of course. *G* But at the moment, I'd love to smell ANYTHING. *G* Tis spring... tis pollen... tis allergy season. *G* LeeJ: Thank you so very much, sweet lady! Marge: I'm the lucky one... Thank you... love you! *S* Sunshine: Thank you! *S* They're some of my favorites, too... Yassee... There's a story to those lines... and a few others. *S* This is an accidental poem... and it's probably set my baby steps into the computer age back a mile or so. *G* I'm more comfortable with pen and paper, but I was writing straight to screen... and just as I typed the last line, the computer crashed. *sigh* Unfortunately, the very nanosecond I think a poem is done, my mind flushes every shred of it from my memory banks... (I guess it's doing the best it can to maximize the limited resources, but it is frustrating to remember others' work and not my own. LOL) So... I had the very ironic title "removing me"... and almost everything else had vanished from both the computer and my mind. *G* I was left with a lot of frustration, a few scraps of lines... and the thought that a maid service couldn't have done a better job wiping out that poem. *G* This is what happened next with those leavings. *G* EA: Now you're going to have me singing that song! LOL Thank you... and you know me well... *G* She'd be left with cleanup duty! LOL Drauntz: Thank you very much... glad you liked! *S* Kethry: What can I say, my friend? *G* I'm bone lazy... and typing is WORK! LOL Now if I could figure a way to scan my scribble... watch out! *G* But you do swell my heart (and head) with those kind words... thank you so much!!! Interloper: Thank you so much!!! I know how limited your online time is... which makes your read/response extra special! *S* nakdthoughts: I know, dear lady... I know... Thank you... and big hugs!! aziza: Thank you so very much!!! To reach your senses in such a way really encourages me... thank you! PS: I never want to cause you tears, my friend... and if you need help with that spring cleaning, just let me know... Aversion to work aside, I'll be there. *S* Thank you!!! MindBodySoul: Thank you so much... and amen. *G* Getting words in order is SO much easier than getting my life in line. *S* iliana: Only at the computer, my friend... *G* I may ignore the words I write... but I fiercely mourn any I lose! LOL Thank you so much!!!! |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
Poignant and sassy ending- Just right. A mood very well and creatively expressed. You write with such versatility... misce |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
ouch for sure! "Let me toss aside This love I left here Thinking to give You warmth and comfort" what a punch! terrific... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
How frustrating, yet...to start clean again, without the guilt of having done the sweeping yourself, freeing. All those things you thought missing will be back, even better. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
miscellanea: You're always so kind to me... and believe me, I sure appreciate it! *S* Thank you so much! *S* The Lady: Thank you so much - I'm glad you liked! *S* Martie: Thank you for reading and your kind thoughts... but I'm afraid I don't find it very freeing to be tossed away OR to lose a poem... though the latter at least spares the world a bit of my nonsense. *S* |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Really enjoyed this, my friend...but me, I'd probably left the place filthy...spiteful old man that I am....lol Much enjoyed... j. |
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Marsha
since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423Maidstone Kent England |
Beloved one, have you any concept of just how special you are, and how spectacular was this poem? Possibly not since you are ever and anon eternally modest, but this really is one of your best, I know that doesn’t make up for losing the first one, but Oh My! This is superb beyond excellence, oh what a review I could write if I were asked for a critical analyse of this perfect piece of poetry. The line, and the form are without par, as for the syntax it is simply perfect. Do I like it? No, beloved one, I love it, oh how I wish I could write like this. like you forever Mushy x x x x x x x Tomorrow is another day I don't know what it holds but I can face the future with courage brave and bold Footprints In My Heart Kethry |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Don't smell anything!!!..Knowing you, you'll start sneezing and coughing and eyes will water....Such a sweet write..it's kinda like wishing somebody a ship full of gold....and still not being enough to pay their doctor bills.....Hi ya kid!!! |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Loved the story from the banks, m'dear. |
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hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
As only you can write Ruth I am nothing special...and my name will soon be forgotten,but I've loved another with all my heart and soul,and to me,this has always been enough.~N.S |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
jwesley: I like that thought! LOL Thank you so much! *S* Marsha: You are always far too kind to me... but I love it! *S* Thank you! Toerag: You know me too well... and I love that Toe-like wish! LOL Thank you so much! Sunshine: Thank you so much for the repeat visit! *S* hoot: Thank you, sweet lady... very much! |
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luminosity Senior Member
since 2005-11-18
Posts 813 |
ah, if only it were as easy as cleaning house...course my house cleaning habits are not the utmost, so that might be why my emotions are so untidy as well.....*smile* great poem lady |
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Robert Jordan Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392Philadelphia Pa USA |
Suthern, This has a very interesting and unique strophe arrangement. The last time I saw it was in Allen Ginsberg’s song “Broken Bone Blues”. I likes it. Bobby |
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Kristabell Senior Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 678Portland, OR |
Very well written. Ouch. Kristabell "You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you." James Lane Allen |
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anam_cara76 Junior Member
since 2007-05-06
Posts 24USA |
Suthern, This is beautifully heartbreaking. I will indeed look for more of your writing. always Nysa |
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
Sad things come, Laura....and they go sometimes, but all too often they move in to stay. If this poem is a true telling, I wish I could heal it. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
just wanted to send a |
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MIcountrygirl79 Junior Member
since 2007-06-13
Posts 16Michigan, USA |
Hmmm... I think you got inside my head on this one! It's funny that after a breakup I always have an O.C.D. fit and clean my house from top to bottom, when (in reality) this is what is actually going on mentally/emotionally. Excellent stuff! Elizabeth |
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Topheth Member
since 2001-09-08
Posts 297Texas |
Wonderful work, quite moving to me. Thank you for your willingness to post it. Sincerely, me. |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Hi Ruth! Wow, this is absolutely wonderful. Thought provoking ... gripping ... and the kind of words we each can grab a hold of and feel from our own little areas of the world. Really well done. Very much enjoyed! It's so nice to read you again!  Best wishes and hugs, /Kit |
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Winter Butterfly Member
since 2007-02-03
Posts 61The hidden path beyond the ivy gate. |
Visceral in it's pain and memories. Beautifully written. "I used to worry what people thought of me, then I broke through my cacoon" |
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miscellanea Member Elite
since 2004-06-24
Posts 4060OH |
suthern, Some spots are easily to remove and some just aren't! I'm wishing you well with all that cleaning; it doesn't sound like an easy job.(It could be that the poem isn't about the poet at all! I hope it's not... How we often assume the poem is about its creator... In any case, I wish you the best. You're one special lady, suthern. Good luck to you. Oh, I forget to tell you how much I like this from the title on down! Another for the library... |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Dear friends... I am truly humbled by your kind and gracious responses. Thank you so very, very much for not "removing me" from your reading... I appreciate you!!! |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
I can  it ... sooooooo, that's what I'm gonna do~  LOVE YOU dear lady~ *Huglets* ~*Marge*~ ~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~ |
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Larry C
since 2001-09-10
Posts 10286United States |
Ruthie, Holy cow! How intense this write and what a relief to know it was inspired by a computer crash. For a second I was sure there was a man to blame! I truly enjoyed this. You are a true talent. If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Marge: You are so dear... thank you very much! *S* Larry C: Well... I AM a Scorpio and we're known for being a bit intense. *G* And while I don't usually think much of my words, I certainly don't like having them tossed into cybergarbage by some inanimate object! LOL Thank you so very much! *S* |
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