navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #40 » Four roses
Open Poetry #40
Post A Reply Post New Topic Four roses Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa

0 posted 2007-04-23 02:05 PM


Three roses there were;
mind, body, and soul
and the other one waiting to be
but the heart doesn’t wait to receive
before the giving for free
and so there were four
red roses in all.  

Gone are the days of poetic dreams
but proof can be found in the heart
beating and pumping
one, two, three … four,
one, two, three … four,
because always that little bit extra
comes to be when the heart’s in play.

Any less would be a sheer falsity
any more sends it over the line
right into the arms of fantasy
always waiting to have the last laugh.

And when it is time to receive and be
a lover again for real
one, two, three … four
red roses in all
makes of a dream a certainty
simply just waiting to be!

Helen / 23 April 2007



© Copyright 2007 Helen - All Rights Reserved
sweetpoetess
Member
since 2005-02-27
Posts 428
Florida
1 posted 2007-04-23 02:46 PM


This is so beautiful. I enjoyed the read too. Never had anybody give me roses. Awesome poem!!!!

Poetry is beauty in words.
    

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
2 posted 2007-04-23 04:54 PM


Helen~
There is such a gentle beauty to this piece~


I, too, shall count the roses~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*The sound of a kiss is not as strong as that of a cannon, but it's echo endures much longer*~
Email -             noles1@totcon.com

Robert Jordan
Member
since 2007-02-07
Posts 392
Philadelphia Pa USA
3 posted 2007-04-23 06:24 PM


Honeybunch,

When using an ellipsis, don't leave spaces on either side.  

In addition, in the line:

"one, two, three … four,"

why is an ellipsis used at all.

Bobby

iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
4 posted 2007-04-23 07:06 PM


Helen, 'tis true about roses . . . and I use elipses all the time, too . . . lol.  I think they have earned their way into a form of poetic expression which is anything but technically correct sometimes.  I took the elipses to as a pause/contemplation.  Never really thought of mind/body/soul like roses before, only the heart, but I like the thought of all four.  Lovely poem, dear friend.   *hugs* . . . . jo
Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
5 posted 2007-04-23 07:26 PM


beautiful. pray the fourth rose with mixed color of the three.
enjoyed.

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
6 posted 2007-04-24 01:21 AM


Thank you all so much for your comments and, yes, Jo, you are right.  Everyone says 1,2,3, but stop to think and then go the extra mile.  I wanted the reader to know that four doesn't just automatically follow.  The sentence hung for a bit.  Not sure how else I could have indicated that.
latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
7 posted 2007-04-24 05:17 AM


Honeybunch, I so enjoyed this because...
(had to do that) My neighbor who is losing her short term memory had four rose buds in her old garden just anxious to bloom. So every morning I'd stop and ask if she would like to walk around the yard. Each morning we examined the rose buds. One morning the first one was in full bloom and yesterday the first was gone and the other three were all in full bloom. I love to watch her expression and watch her enjoy.... I am thinking she needs a few more rose bushes. loved your poem. martyjo

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
8 posted 2007-04-24 07:10 AM


  Thanks martyjo!  I'm sure the first rose bush will bloom again and take over after the other blooms have gone.  Nature always supplies - one just has to look for it.  What a kind thing you are doing for your neighbour.  There are some good people in the world and there will always be "roses" for them somewhere along the line.  
Post A Reply Post New Topic ⇧ top of page ⇧ Go to Previous / Newer Topic Back to Topic List Go to Next / Older Topic
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.
navwin » Archives » Open Poetry #40 » Four roses

Passions in Poetry | pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums | 100 Best Poems

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary