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Open Poetry #40
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Jaime Fradera
Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843
Where no tyranny is tolerable

0 posted 2007-04-13 10:51 AM



The Nancy Letters
A chronicle of Jaime's adventures on the Internet and speculations on the nature of virtual reality

I'll never forget the first time
a computer hung up on me.
This was before we had
what we recognize today as Internet.
Back then, it was called Fidonet.  Remember?
Instead of web pages, we had bulletin boards, called BBS's.
And instead of forums, we had "eco's.
which were organized by special interest groups called SIGS.
I was using a little computer called VersaBraille,
A device that no longer exists,
and a Haze 1200 BAUD modem.
It was with such primitive equipment
that I began my long and epic journey here.

Just for fun,
I logged on to this board called Dial Your Match,
a cyber dating service.
It answered, then showed me a menu,
but before I could figure out what to do,
it said it was hanging up:

I cannot wait this long because others are waiting to get on ...  no carrier.
I was startled.
What could have happened?
I didn't want them to be mad at me.
Maybe I upset the guy's feelings.
I decided to call him back
to let him know that I was sorry.
I even wrote out a message
so I could send him right away.
I had the modem telephone again.
The same menu was again presented.
Just as I was selecting what to click on,
it hung up again:
I cannot wait this long because others are ...
Now I had really had it.
I changed the message to say
how hard his board was to get into
and I was going to tell my friends, etc.
I called him

and he hung up on me again:
I cannot wait this long because ... ...
Then it began to dawn on me.
There was no "guy" on there at all.
It was just a computer generating a time-out message,
a computer that didn't give a whit

about my feelings.
Well, I thought,
what else can you expect from a heart of stone--
or maybe sand...

Then I moved up here

and got plugged into Denver Freenet.
It was run by the school of health sciences.
A TTY device let me send and receive,

and Freenet ran an email program called Pine.
About this time I had begun to write

and post on this system.
It also had a program called Internet Relay Chat,

something that I really, really miss.
Through these activities

I began to meet some people,
at least I thought that they were people.
I even got mixed up with this girl; at least I thought it was a girl.
but by now I was getting cautious.
Maybe she was an undercover cop
waiting to lure, entrap and throw me in jail.
At least I thought she was a cop.
We heard a lot about that on the news by then.
I grew suspicious of going to places
like Lycos, Tripod, and Angelfire, and Geocities
(Click here to get
rid of this add)

imagining unimaginable horrors lurking there.
Then the machine crashed, and Windows came
and it was time to say bye-bye to MS-DOS.

Then they set me up with a real computer.
It was made or sold by Compuadd.
Tech support came in the form
of a note taped to the box that said

Here it is don't bother us.
But they got me started with my first email account,
which was free
and offered unlimited use of the Internet.
At least I thought it was free.
I looked forward to my first email message.  So happy to think that some one would actually think of me.
I did not have long to wait.
It said: Hey, Jaime check out this free offer.
Another one said some thing like: Hey jaime.  Your name has been entered in free contest.
I wondered: who could these people be?
How did I meet them?
How could they know who I was?
Did I maybe go to school with them, or something?
Then they took away
my free Internet account.
They said I was over-using the Internet.
I think that's when the nancy letters started coming in.
They said things like:
Hey Nancy.  It's me ...  you know ME
SURE you do.

Nancy, click here to get your free vacation!
Nancy, your instant $5000,000 credit line has already been approved!
Nancy, what would you do with all that money!
Nancy, this is your last opportunity ... ... ...
After a while I thought
there must have been some mistake.
I wrote them several times
to tell them I was NOT Nancy,
but they kept coming.
Then I started getting undeliverable mail messages,
dozens and dozens of them.
Techie Joe came to look at the computer.
He said it was infested by 500 computer viri.
It sounded something like 500,000 cyber cockroaches.
Made of indestructible silicon,
they were leaving droppings which gummed up the computer.
There were also spiders in there.
Some of them were coming from the Web, and there were spiders looking FOR THE Web.
They couldn't get along.  They were fighting with each other
and were chewing up the wiring.
I was ready to throw the infested metal hulk out the window.
And it was only after Techie Joe fixed it
that the nancy letters stopped.
At least, I thought that they had stopped.
but by now I was what I remain, an utterly incurable surfer.

One day I went to Altavista
and did a search for something like:
how to earn money without doing anything.
And there were actually some hits!
I was just fit to be tied just to think of it!
Earning a living by doing nothing!
I would have to tell my friends!
I could tell my counselor
I wouldn't need employment services.  Why,
I could go on free vacations and everything.
I worked down to a contact, Brian Whattyacall.
I said I was on SSI and wanted to earn some extra money.
I told him I could not afford
the astronomically high start-up fee.
After several fruitless exchanges
I finally got out of him that the business

was selling liquid diet supplements.
He said that, in my case or situation,
he would not recommend this business for me
Because of the high start-up fee.
I was so impressed!
An honest salesman
telling me his business
might not be best for me!
Why, an honest salesman was  even rarer than an honest politician!
I thought, to work for such an honest guy
it might be worth it
even if I had to steal the money
to get started.
Next day there was another email:
Let me help you get started.
How did he know
that I was thinking about getting started?
But since I didn't have the money I did nothing.
Then came more emails from him:
Imagine being your own boss...
what would you do with all that money? ...
are you tired of doing fifty-five?
I thought: what?
Didn't he even remember
what we talked about the other day? ...
This is your last chance to sign up ...
but by then I knew the last chance
would be followed by another
and another one,
Each one sounding progressively more desperate.
I decided it was some automated system
that was programmed to generate sales calls.
I decided Brian Whatsches did not exist.

this was not the weirdest of it, though.

One day I got a write
from a certain Linda Gillie.
How did she know who I was?
Was she from high school maybe?
Could I try to remember?
Anyway, she was telling me
how she'd been gaining all her life,
how she tried diet after diet and nothing worked.
I told her it was okay,
that there was nothing wrong with her,
and maybe we could meet some day.
But when I tried to send the message ...  YEP, you guessed it!
This character was just a front
for some mass-marketed diet plan.
I decided Linda Gillie did not exist.
But being the incurable cybernautic surfer that I am,
I just had to keep looking for Mrs.  Good bar.


One night, feeling lonely and ...  well ...uh ...lonely,
I pitter pattered over
to this here big computer,
got on the Internet
and did an Altavista search
for "passion" and "poetry."
and guess where the search took me?
YES, YES!
That's exactly right!
YES!!
(claps hands and jumps in air)
That's exactly how I got here.
That's how I got mixed up with Passions.
That's how I ended up
actually meeting Midnitesun in person and, ...  and everything.
I needed help for a time getting started
and Paula was in there.
(Could Paula Finn still be on here)?
I posted the first of my twaddle and waited.
Then I got a message from
Ron;
I thought: how nice.
He said hello; how cool.
he told me that so-and-so
had replied to my topic, such-and-such.
I figured Ron must be a busy man.
how nice of him to say hello.
So I replied to thank him.
Then, in few minutes,
Here came another one from Ron.
He said hello.
He said somebody replied
to some twaddle I had posted.
I thought: What?
Couldn't he remember he just wrote me?
Maybe he had the kind
of modern, high stress job where you forget things.
I use to have one of those jobs.
I forgot so many things at work,
I had to quit
so I could remember them again.
Then here came another one from Ron.
He said Hello.
Then I recognized a pattern.
The messages purporting to be from "Ron"
were really system generated
each time someone replies to a post.

All of which got me thinking:
how do we know that Ron exists?
Well we get messages from him.
But have you met him? Of course not.
We're led to believe he is the system operator,
but what if it's just
just a big computer program called "Ron" ..
.Maybe it's an acronym created by MIT types who miss typed.  

Okay, I know that Sunshine exists
because I

...  Well, I just don't  Well, I know midnitesun exits because ...

I know that you exist...
and you, and you, and you,
and maybe you and maybe even you ...
But what about you?
Just because there's stuff up on your monitor
you THINK you interact with others? he he he he ...
What if it is all just pixels
or, in my case, dancing dots?
What if this Passions thing is just a collective fantasy ...
HEY.  (knocks on Braille box)
HEY! you in there!
HEY, anybody in there?
(Makes faces at computer)
Hey.  (knocks on monitor)
Are you finished in there?
Like crawling into the television ...
so you can be a guest on the show ....


There's a spotlight waiting
No matter why you are;
Cause everybody's got a song to sing.
Everyone's a star ... ... ...From Rock And Roll Heaven

Southern cross

© Copyright 2007 The Sun - All Rights Reserved
outlawthunder
Member
since 2007-04-10
Posts 67

1 posted 2007-04-13 11:30 AM


Jaime, you are HOG NUTS!

this is such a hoot of a piece
i almost called 911 from laughin
so hard i thought i broke my ribs!

Hey, maybe MSNBC and CBS will put
you on instead of IMUS so we can
track your computer travels!

BRAVO!

OUTLAWTHUNDER

Drauntz
Member Elite
since 2007-03-16
Posts 2905
Los Angeles California
2 posted 2007-04-13 11:37 AM


good laugh!!!!
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2007-04-13 11:43 AM


Well, dear Jaime, this was a FANTASTIC read! I even forgot my tea while reading you and had to brew it anew.
I take it for granted that you are REAL!
Well, more or less, we all had to get used to all the tricks, disadvantages and worse ... of these computers and Internet.

You did an absolutely great job with this!
THANK YOU FOR THE SMILES!

Have a wonderful day ... there are some wonderful surprises waiting for the surfers ...

Love and hugs.
Margherita

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
4 posted 2007-04-13 11:43 AM


Grand ‘write’ !


I especially loved:

“Techie Joe came to look at the computer.
He said it was infested by 500 computer viri.
It sounded something like 500,000 cyber cockroaches.
Made of indestructible silicon,
they were leaving droppings which gummed up the computer.
There were also spiders in there.
Some of them were coming from the Web, and there were spiders looking FOR THE Web.
They couldn't get along.  They were fighting with each other
and were chewing up the wiring.
I was ready to throw the infested metal hulk out the window!”

AND:

“I know that you exist...
and you, and you, and you,
and maybe you and maybe even you ...
But what about you?
Just because there's stuff up on your monitor
you THINK you interact with others? he he he he ...
What if it is all just pixels
or, in my case, dancing dots?
What if this Passions thing is just a collective fantasy ...
HEY.  (knocks on Braille box)
HEY! you in there!
HEY, anybody in there?
(Makes faces at computer)
Hey.  (knocks on monitor)
Are you finished in there?
Like crawling into the television ...
so you can be a guest on the show ....”


much applause from an inveterate charter member
of the ‘Lead Pencil Club’ of ‘low techies’ and the
“C.H.A.” Society ['ConFuter' (that's from
“conFuse and conquer”)Haters of America!]

Devious Intellectual
Member
since 2006-05-08
Posts 112

5 posted 2007-04-13 12:48 PM


ha wow never knew the internet was like this, kinda disapointing, i like this read tho even tho im too young to know this stuff,,,thanks for the knowledge
Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
6 posted 2007-04-13 01:37 PM


Thank you, Jaime, for a trip through the past.  Makes one know how far technology has come over the years.  The progress of humans in general, however, is much slower.  Take care.

Helen

Midnitesun
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
7 posted 2007-04-13 01:54 PM


Jaime, a reality-horror-humor story that was a perfect read before heading to work this afternoon! Yes, many of us are REAL! Hope you have a great weekend!
Startime55
Member Elite
since 2003-04-05
Posts 2148
Alberta, Canada
8 posted 2007-04-13 02:40 PM


LOL...mmmmm I think I am real at least that is what everyone says but one never knows....this was pure delight to read, Jaime...Write on....*Big Hugs*
Enchantress
Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113
Canada eh.
9 posted 2007-04-13 02:56 PM


I first I thought you meant me when I saw my name Nancy!
But then I realized it was an unknown Nancy.
Gee, I hope I don't start getting all her spam mail. LOL
This write is so darn funny and so much like it really is.
It's good to know everyone here at PiP is real...I think.
Hugs~Nancy

For it was not into my ear you whispered
But into my heart..
It was not my lips you kissed
But my soul.

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
10 posted 2007-04-13 04:02 PM


Jaime, you are so darn adorable that I could leap into my monitor and give you a humongous hug!
This was one mighty long post ~ but it did not seem like it! I voraciously ate up every "bit" of it!

I bow to you managing to get through all the computer jargon and quagmire. What a journey you've been on! ~ and I truly appreciate you sharing it with your readers. I found myself nodding in agreement at times, and at others I was breaking into gales of laughter.

Are you sure that you are blind? You are amazing!

Giving you great big hug of love,

Linda

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200
Between the Lines
11 posted 2007-04-13 05:22 PM


Jaime, I  absolutely loved this~~~ every word and I usually don't read the very long poems or prose before I begin to lose interest...this was terrific and I hope Ron does get a chance to read it.

It made my day and I am going to save it to read whenever I wonder about the internet!


Maureen

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
12 posted 2007-04-13 06:52 PM


Loved it all, m'friend...

and just FYI?

Ron...is real!  Very real!




Jaime Fradera
Senior Member
since 2000-11-25
Posts 843
Where no tyranny is tolerable
13 posted 2007-04-13 07:55 PM


Thank you all.
I am deaf today and my ears are whistlin dixie so I had to find something to do.
I have learned to suspect a "person"'s identity when they respond to email nonsensically, like this Brian character but the ones who respond in a human way, like all of you, I know are real.
Linda: Oh how would kill for an actual personal humongous, tender and passionate embrace from Earth Angel herself, long with so many many others! I would have to stand in line, wait my turn, and then hope you might have time for me ...
Toronto is such a long drive from here ..But in sleep, you hold me and bring me gentle and healing dreams ...
I have since concluded "ron" is real but did not know this for a fact in the "beginning."
It's almost dinner time ...

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
14 posted 2007-04-14 10:04 AM


Jaime, your reply put added pink in my cherubic cheeks. That was so sweet of you to say.

Just for that, I'm putting you at the head of that proverbial line! lol

BIG hug,
EA

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
15 posted 2007-04-14 08:54 PM


Dear Jaime

I was really touched by this...so honest and so full of innocence.  I don't meant that in a bad way, but just to say that there isn't that much of it anymore, and I think that is too bad.  

Aside from that, you really really made me smile out loud.  Thanks so much for being such a charming self.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
16 posted 2007-04-14 09:14 PM


Jaime, as I said, Ron is very, very real.  But you had touched "on" a button that let Ron's machine answer that you continued to get responses to a post you had made, and I am sure you have figured that out by now.

In a time when our home was small, only a few hundred to maybe a couple of thousand members, Ron had time to answer poems, and most times now, I see, that Ron delves, when he can, mostly in the discussion forums, and hardly writes poetry, or response poetically, to most of the members.  Which is, overall, our loss.

I remember one time, when he responded to a poem of mine.  I was overwhelmed, because I had learned by then his criteria [of sorts] in poetry...but what I had written had struck a chord.  That brought about a sense of the thought that I could be a poet...because someone who knows the art so well, acknowledged one of mine.

Yet, and since that time, I've learned, like you, that the internet is a wonderful folly.  It can be a friend, and it can be an adversary.  In that very sense, Jaime, we can all be "blind" to what we read, or hear, on the internet.

We can be fooled, disheartened, even humiliated.  And then, on the other hand, we can learn to discern, be discretionary, and be careful.  Like any other media, we can pick and choose to whom we will answer, and/or make an acquaintance.  

Overall, you've been quite lucky.  Your better senses took over, and you saw through most.  Would that all of our sighted readers be so wary.

This was an excellent commentary/poem/PSA for all.

Well done, Jaime.


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